Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 38

This week's stupid commercial continues in the venue of human beings and their disgusting bathroom habits.  It makes me glad I am a cat and I do my business in a box of clumping claylike material.

No, it is not time to do any of those things

I am highly suspicious of a group of women who want to "get real about what happens in the bathroom".  If I were buying toilet paper, I would never operate under any illusion about "what happens in the bathroom".  I know exactly "what happens in the bathroom".

1.  You poop.

2.  You wipe.

3.  You don't talk about either of the above in polite company, or over national television, no matter how much the ad company is paying you.

So...  to reiterate, since this seems to be a common theme...  Humans!  I do not wish to hear about your disgusting bathroom habits!

Stupid commercial.

Famous Basset Hound Friday # 45

So it is time for another Famous Basset Hound Friday. Daddy and I had a little discussion about this one. He thought we should do a non-blogging basset this week because "we don't want to develop a pattern". I told him that I was the creative heart and soul of Famous Basset Hound Friday and he should just do the typing and leave important work like thinking to us hounds.

So this week's Famous Hound is one of our very own basset GQ's! His name is Boomer! He lives in Nebraska! And he writes his own blog, with a very creative name! Cheeze Boomer! Daddy tells me it is actually pronounced 'shae', but I like Cheeze better! Cheeze is delicious, and it evidently comes out of cans!

But enough about delicious food! This week's Famous Hound has some wonderful news! He has a new sister named Biscuit! Boomer and Biscuit! It almost sounds like a delicious breakfast! 'Why yes I'll have the Boomer Biscuit, with Cheeze.' Uh oh I am back to delicious food again!

Biscuit is a rescued hound (yay Boomer and Biscuit's mom!) who joined the family yesterday. She is a petite hound who likes to run and play with her brother. I remember how I felt when Layla came to live with me. It was great having someone to play with! Although Layla was not that petite... but anyway! Plus Boomer is a tricolor like me and Biscuit is a red and white like Layla. Boomer and Biscuit are our newest famous hounds!

The dynamic duo

Happy National Peanut Butter Day

What a terrific day it is! It's National Peanut Butter Day! To celebrate daddy made some cookies for mama! Except they are no-bake cookies, and mama actually had the idea. She is not feeling well and wanted some chocolate! Chocolate is something we hounds would like to try very much but they tell us it is toxic and would make us sick. I've had enough of being sick thank you very much, even if you do get cookies that way!

So daddy got the recipe book out and followed it carefully. We paraphrased below.

What you need for no-bake cookies:

- 1 stick of margarine (yum)

- 1/2 cup milk

- 2 cups sugar (to bounce off the walls)

- 3 tbs cocoa (the forbidden... fruit I guess)

- 1/2 cup peanut butter (the ingredient of the hour!)

- 3 1/2 cups oatmeal (not very tasty)

First you melt the margarine and add the milk and sugar. Then you stir in the cocoa and wait for it to boil. While you wait for it to boil you check your computer sites because you get bored. Then you boil it for 2 minutes, but curse when you forget to start the timer and just hope that it has been almost 2 minutes. Then you add the peanut butter, but you curse some more because it is hard to get 1/2 cup of peanut butter out of the measuring cup. Daddy I would have helped if you had asked! But nooooo, no hounds allowed in the kitchen. Then you add the oatmeal and stir it really good, making lots of noise and teasing poor starving hounds with cookies they cannot eat. Then you drop the stuff onto wax paper in little cookie bits so it will cool and make the whole house smell like cocoa no-bake no-hounds-allowed cookies.

It's not fair. But daddy redeemed himself - he gave us some peanut butter to celebrate National Peanut Butter Day.

This is the best holiday ever

Rescue Me # 4

So I have been checking all of our former Rescue Me hounds... I guess Livingston got adopted. I cannot find his page anymore, which is a good thing, I suppose! I hope he found a good home. Unfortunately Mr. Duke and Mr. Houston are still waiting on homes. But one hound in a forever home is a good thing!

This week's Rescue Me hound is named Cody. He is from Pataskala, Ohio, which is close to one of my grandma's house! Daddy has been there! Picking apples, he says! When he should really be rescuing hounds! Cody is being sponsored by Ohio Basset Rescue, which is a good rescue organization that has helped lots of hounds find their forever homes. Some of the people at cyberhound that we talk to have found their bassets through OBR. OBR also does a waddle each year but we have yet to go to it. But back to poor Mr. Cody! He needs a home, even a foster home will do. I think we should foster him! But daddy says Pataskala is too far away to go pick him up. So I guess he will have to find another foster home... hopefully with such a sweet face someone will take him and make him theirs soon. If you want to check Cody out you can find his info here, and more info on Ohio Basset Rescue here.

Hello my name is Cody

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday #37

This blog has been really dog-heavy lately.  We cats have been laying low, except for Nibbler, who is trying to win an award for most aggravating cat or something.  But my weekly Stupid TV Commercial antennae perked up the other day when this little gem showed up on TV.

Her colon looks really healthy to me

Yet again, human bathroom subject matter has come up on TV.  These people don't seem to be bothered by this woman hijacking a wedding to talk about her stupid colon medicine.  Shut up!  Let's get to the cake already!  I'll cleanse my colon the normal way, by eating some food and running around the house until I need to make a break for the litter box!

Sheesh!

Dear Cats

Dear Cats,

Hello! This is your best friend Breezy. All I want to do is just play with you, but most of you seem to think that I am going to kill and eat you. This is not the case at all! I merely want to chase, slobber, chew upon, and eventually maul each and every one of you. See, that's not so bad, is it? Perhaps what you need is some time to be around me when I am not so awake to get used to me. Please refer to the video below for some tips. I think this solution will benefit us all. I look forward to working with you.

Love,

Breezy

Famous Basset Hound Friday # 44

It's so good to be back on my paws again! I had a really rough week last Friday. I did not feel so well and got sick in my crate. I felt horrible because while daddy was cleaning it up I got sick in the other room! Whatever I ate did not agree with my hound tummy, which is weird, because normally I try and eat everything that I can. So Layla did a Rescue Me post instead, which is just as good as Famous Basset Hound Friday. That way another hound might find their forever home!

But back to the Famous Hound part! This week's is a good one! We have known this hound for quite sometime now, and it's high time he got to be a Famous Hound. His name is Bowser! He is just a puppy! He can be a real maniac sometimes! But he writes his own blog and it is hard to read sometimes because he is still working on his spelling. He must not have a great typer like daddy! Bowser gets to play with his toys every night and he has a routine that must be followed no matter what. He was also one of our first basset GQ models! And he lives with fish! Although I think they are not really fish, because I have seen fish at the pet store and they don't look like this. But it's OK! We are very forgiving of mistakes with our Famous Hounds! Bowser makes me remember back when I was just a pup, full of energy and vigor! He loves his mama just like me! And he's our latest famous hound!

Heeeeere's Bowsah!

I hate sweetgum trees

I see that many of our blog followers enjoyed the sexy basset spread the other day! We were glad to see so many people happy to check out our hounds, especially our rescued hounds. However it almost didn't happen! I was just getting ready to blog that night when a terrible thing happened to me!

I went out in the yard to do my business so I had no interruption while blogging about all our sexy hounds. I was so excited about that blog that I had to romp and run around the yard. Well, I stepped on something hard and knobby and it really hurt. I stopped immediately so I could inspect my paw and make sure it was OK, and I realized that whatever it was had stuck in my foot! I wasn't happy, because it was my bad foot on top of it all. So I slowly limped back to the house, worried that my injury would prevent me from honoring our sexy hounds. Rosco and Breezy had already got inside, and daddy was hollering for me to hurry up (he is so impatient sometimes!). I finally got in and daddy realized I had hurt my paw. I bet he felt bad for rushing me. He better have.

I was so worried at that point, because beautiful hounds like me don't like to be laid up waiting for their paw to heal. I certainly did not want to visit the vet again, after my last two experiences. So I laid on my back so daddy could check on my foot and fix it and hopefully rub my belly afterwards. Well, I may not have mentioned it before but daddy is a doctor. He's not a vet kind of doctor though, he studied lizards or some silly thing - this was all before my gotcha day so I don't know the details, Rosco can tell you sometime - but he knows enough to fix feet I guess, because he pulled the thing out. Then he showed it to me and said 'Layla this is a sweetgum ball, they come off trees. Mama and I hate these things.' Well I hate them too, I'm the one that had it in her paw!

The culprit fruiting body

So I decided to educate myself so I know how to avoid that problem in the future. It turns out sweetgum balls are horrible things and sweetgum trees are hateful, terrible plants that exist to drop stupid little spiky balls all over a hound's yard and make it nearly uninhabitable. A sweetgum tree can drop lots of these stupid little things! And they persist for a long time. Daddy explained to me that he and mama set the yard on fire not too long ago (that was another terrible day, they wouldn't let us out of our crates and the yard stunk and was all black afterwards) to get rid of dead leaves and other stuff, but the sweetgum balls were still there. Upon learning this I asked daddy to chop the tree down, but he explained that it was in the neighbor's yard and we can't cut it down. So I have decided to step lightly in my own yard and bark at the neighbor at every opportunity for having such a dumb and basset-unfriendly tree.

And these keys are way too small!

But I might be a little too dramatic here. My foot was OK after that and daddy gave me a treat for the trouble I went through and told me I was beautiful and that I would be OK. That calmed me down, and then he said 'Layla we have sexy bassets that need our attention'. And then we wrote the blog!

But I still hate sweetgum trees!

The Second Edition of Sexy Basset GQ and Swimsuit Monthly

Hello faithful blog readers! Hello new blog readers! Hello random internet searchers looking up 'sexy bassets'! Welcome to the Second Edition of Sexy Basset GQ and Swimsuit Monthly (as we are calling it this time). We were overwhelmed with pictures of basset guys and gals strutting their stuff, and we have an action-packed group this time around! So without further adieu (whatever that is), here they are!

Yogi

We start our latest sexy basset extravaganza with a hot senior hound named Yogi. He is quite the charmer, and uses his years of experience to entice unsuspecting people into giving him belly rubs. He loves kids and other dogs, as an all-around adorable hound ought to. Witness the allure of older hounds as he sits majestically on his padded throne!

Worm

Worm is a regular at our favorite basset haunt, cyberhound! He has also been a Famous Basset Hound! Though his name is Worm, he doesn't always move like one. His picture highlights his athletic abilities and youthful vigor! Observe his muscle definition in his arms and hindquarters. Ladies, this young hound loves girl bassets, but his heart has been captured by a sweet young basset - but feel free to savor the eyecandy-ness.

Annie

Our own Famous Hound buddy Annie is back in action! As a beach bunny California hound, Annie likes to do all the things that sexy basset gals do, such as go to the beach and work on her tan! She lounges with the best of them, and drapes those ears in an oooh-la-la way!

Princess Buttercup

Our next sexy hound is Princess Buttercup! She keeps her girlish figure up with long walks followed by long naps! She enjoys (well... tolerates maybe) her pawdicures, as she knows that polished nails and pearls are an absolute must for on-the-go basset socialites. She is also a very accomplished volunteer hound, spending a few afternoons a week at the local high school as their unofficial mascot (The 'Fighting Sexy Bassets' has a very nice ring to it). Her mom works in sports medicine, and she loves a good baseball game (but not track meets - those starter pistols wear a sexy basset's nerves out!). She also likes to ride in her off-road gator and have the wind blow her ears back! Princess Buttercup emailed us her picture as she ran off to find the poolboy, before her two-legged cousins realized she cut holes in their swimming suit for her tail...

Henry

This handsome hunka hound is named Henry! He is a dashing young gentleman who teases the ladies with his ear-in-the-mouth playful attitude. He likes to practice his tummy shots, and he is evidently a French kisser! Many unsuspecting admirers have found he slips his tongue into their mouths as they bend over the give him some attention. The coy look above says it all!

Daisy Mae

This dreamy gal is named Daisy Mae, and she is sleeping off her troubles! Young at heart and already mastering the art of belly rub seduction, Daisy Mae knows when to smile for the camera (and take a load off)!

Charlotte

We continue our trend of hot young basset girls spreading themselves out on couches! Here we find Miss Charlotte in her pretty pink bathing suit (although it appears she has gone the risque route and forgotten her bottom...). Charlotte tops off the pose with that squinty, sexy basset eye look that drives all the boy bassets wild... this is a hound girl who knows what she is up to!

These next hounds are the fabulous foursome. How so much basset sexiness can exist in one house and not drive the neighbor dogs to insanity is beyond us!

Scout

This hound is named Scout, and he is the master of the puppydog eyes! This distinguished hound man sways human and hound female alike with his piercing glances, charming them to his every whim! Being a down-to-earth, t-shirt kind of hound helps too!

Precious

Precious is a hound who is very flexible, in all the right ways! Some people may laugh when her parents call this her 'walrus pose', but as every flexible hound knows, the hindquarters are where it's at! Maybe walruses know a thing or two about sexiness!

Gracie

Gracie is the boss of the fab foursome household! This beautiful girl has a take-no-garbage from anyone kind of attitude, and that spunky fortitude that draws the boys in! Her puppydog eyes aren't too bad either... and of course she's the boss! She's in the boss chair!

Hunter

Last but certainly not least, here is Hunter! Those sad, soulful hound eyes, those long ears, that sleek tricolor frame... he is definitely the houndiest of the fab foursome hounds!

Esther

Esther spends her days in the lap of luxury, sleeping on the couch and preventing her brother Charlie Brown from getting anywhere near it. She keeps her girlish figure by swimming laps in her grandparent's pool, and here you can see her trademark basset smoulder. Be careful boys, she might burn you...

MaeMae

Our next hound is our favorite kind of hound - a rescue hound! Having spent the first few years of her life making puppies, MaeMae has found her forever home (yay!). This past Christmastime was the first one she got to spend in a house with a family! And she has shown her love with lots of cuddles and lovins. She likes her belly rubs and cuddling, and of course food is a good way to any gorgeous hound gal's heart. A mischevious little devil, she also likes to play with toys (but not hers - she likes the ones that the little kids drop, and she lives at a daycare so she has tons of opportunities!). As you can see above, she has that windblown basset ear look, and she loves her naps (and dislikes having them interrupted!).

Chloe

This lovely little hound is named Chloe, and she is a regular snowbunny hound! She loves to sport her fashionable coat and play in the chilly snow, then come inside for some good cuddles to warm up! Chloe's sleek form probably glistens in the fresh-fallen snow, and that fun-loving hound attitude comes through in her photo - a snow-covered hound nose!

Monty

This lovable, squishable, 'come and cuddle me' hound is Monty. That smouldering/mooching look beckons to hound and human alike, and few can resist him! And being a red and white myself, I must say that coat pattern is to die for!

Lucy

Lucy is a very outspoken, strong-willed, full-figured elder lady hound. She's never at a loss for words, and loves kids. Maintaining an active lifestyle, her favorite time of the day is walking and eating her meals. She manages to become the center of attention at the park, where she will make the kids stop playing a ball game by running onto the field and demanding belly rubs. She is also a very protective hound matriarch, and won't go to bed until she knows that everyone else in the house is down for the night. Check her out in her stylin' dress!

Flash

Our last hound has left us for the Rainbow Bridge, where all sexy bassets end up. But just because she is gone doesn't mean that her sex appeal doesn't live on! Flash was a very laid-back, lovable, easy-going hound. She got along well with everyone, and she was a master counter surfer (one time she got an entire filet mignon, which is the best kind of steak to steal). She also loved her Sunday best outfits, complete with hats and everything! Her people miss her, and Flash was everything a sexy basset should be!

So that's it! You have made it through another round of sexy basset guys and gals! We hope your heartrate will get back to normal soon! Thanks to all our sexy basset participants, and if you think you'd like to have your basset be in one of our GQ/Swimsuit editions, check out cyberhound for more details!

Stupid TV Commercial # 36

This week's Stupid TV Commercial is short and to the point.

Why is this woman so mean?

Rescue Me # 3

Rosco isn't feeling so well today. He got sick in his crate and daddy had to clean the mess up at his lunchtime, and boy did Rosco feel bad. Normally he looks forward to Famous Basset Hound Friday but today he just is not in any kind of shape to be blogging. So I put my paw on his forehead and said "No worries little brother, I have your back at Jowls of Fury". This gives me the opportunity to write another Rescue Me blog post.

This week's hound is Houston of ABC Basset Rescue. The ABC stands for 'All Bassets Cherished', or as I like to call it, 'What everyone should be doing anyway'. Houston came from Texas where he was a breeder hound, which means he had to make lots of puppies but never got to play with them or anything. He's got a funny accent because he is from the south and he spells his words wrong but don't hold that against him, he still needs a forever home. He uses words like 'rootin-tootin' and 'hunkey-dorey'. You know, the kind of words that drives Beaker crazy. But he likes the things that make him a hound: snoozing, sniffing, cuddling, belly rubs, etc. etc.

Oh yeah and the ABC people came to the waddle! Plus they have a humongous hound wagon called an 'RV'. I'm not sure what it stands for, but their hound wagon is way bigger than ours. I hope daddy upgrades ours soon because I would really like to travel in style. Perhaps Houston gets to drive around New York in it?

Anyway, there is a picture of Mr. Houston below. If you would like more information you can find his adoption page here. Hopefully someone rescues him!

Y'all's from the south?

The best place on Earth

Have I mentioned how I love the dog park? I know I talked about it before, but lately mama and daddy have been taking us there every day. We get to do loads of fun stuff once we get there, and we are getting pretty good at recognizing the driveway to the dog park.

Yes he really is that whiny

Once you get inside the dog park you get to run around off-leash. It is totally fenced in so you don't have to worry about your people wandering off and forgetting you. There are lots of interesting smells and you can hang out with all the cool hounds.

This thing has been peed on a lot

For two days in a row we met another basset hound at the dog park. Now usually it is the longer-legged hounds that are there with their people letting them throw the ball around, and that can be difficult to keep up with if you are a short-legged hound like me.

This is patently unfair

Anyway we met more basset hounds recently. Her name was Butters. There was another hound named Drago but we did not get a picture of him. He was a red and white colored hound like me and he liked to run like me also. Too bad we missed his picture daddy! But Butters was a cute hound, although she was young and little.

Rosco meeting Butters

Even though the long-legged hounds can outrun me, if we team up as bassets we are able to hold our own and even make them think twice before laughing at us.

There we showed that dumb lab who was boss

I have to hand it to Rosco, he really does a good job of running and howling at the same time.

How does he do that anyway?

Even Breezy, who is usually such a bossy hound, had a good time (and I think she found a boyfriend named Copper).

She showed him who was boss

This little dog was very friendly

But eventually the fun at the dog park has to end, because we get hungry and need to get mama and daddy home before they catch a cold. So we go back to our house and have dinner. Then we settle down for our customary post-dinner nap.

It is hard work, being a hound

Why I am a bad sport (not really)

So there is this contest called Mango Minster. It is run by a dog, but there are some cats there as well, and I suspect they are really the brains behind the show. Anyway, last year two of the idiot dogs in this house entered and did not win. Why would they? No self-respecting cat that is playing a game of shadows with dogs would let two of the most slobbery creatures in existence win. So I decided I would enter myself this year. The cats controlling Mango Minster have wisely decided to let us enter as 'bad sports', preserving the illusion that the dogs are running the show when they are really just chasing their tails. So I will play along and tell you why I am such a bad sport (wink wink).

I'm a bad sport because I have never even tried to be friends with idiot dog 1, idiot dog 2, or supreme idiot dog 3. I would rather just growl and hiss and swat at them if they get within 10 feet of me. I'll tell you why - they have taken over my house. That and they want me dead. One of my favorite things ever is to eat my favorite food - Ocean WhiteFish and Tuna (the pureed kind, not that disgusting gravy stuff). But those stupid slobbery dogs are so frightening that I can't eat with them in the house, and even when they are outside I find it is best to stay near the safety of a bed so I can escape their dumbness if I have to.

This is the only viable option I have

Bunsen may find this acceptable but he is an idiot

... I remember the good old days, when it was just me and mama and those other cats that are beneath me.

I was such an adorable little tyke

The other cats were truly blessed to have me

Mama and I had such a special bond

All that changed one day, when idiot dog 1 came to live with us. At first he was tiny and I thought perhaps he would just live in a box in a closet somewhere. But as he grew older I realized that he had my death on his mind.

I should have known from the start

At first I was OK with being a basement cat. Then we moved to a house where the dogs got into the basement. So I had no other choice. I did what any self-respecting cat with idiot blogging dogs would do.

I took over their blog. There, I said it, and I'm not sorry. Whiskers of Fury was the best thing that ever happened to the internet, and it would've worked too, if not for a twist of fate. I have laid low for awhile, but I decided I would use my winnings from Mango Minster to send the dogs off to Siberia or somewhere, and then order a truckload of Ocean WhiteFish and Tuna to share with myself after my glorious achievement.

If that makes me a bad sport so be it.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 35

Hot on the heels of the last stupid TV commercial, the fast food chain giant McDonald's ups the ante in stupidity with their latest stab at selling more processed fried chicken parts.  The dogs think that chicken nuggets are great, but us cats know that the best chicken gets pureed and put into a can, then served to us on a dish.  Preferably at grandma's.

I hate you all

I know that these people are probably just actors, but if I were them I would have to get plastic surgery, move out of the country, and change my name, following the shame of being in such a stupid commercial.  'Slam to the dunk'?  Ugh!  Just kill me and get it over with!

Another Christmas Pig Monster

I thought with Christmastime ending that the monsters would be gone, at least for a year. But as they were putting things away the other day I noticed something. Another box, with another monster in it.

He looked like this

What is a hound girl supposed to do? Sure they are locked away in the garage in boxes, but I know next year there will be two of them instead of just the one. I fretted over this for a few days. Then I had another worry piled on top of me - it turns out there is an entire race of Christmas Pig Monsters, and they laugh at you from the tops of rickety buildings and rocks and stuff.

This is even worse

I was pretty concerned about what next year might hold. If we get enough Christmas Pig Monsters they will probably try and come inside and steal my warm spots and food. I am more than ready to kill them all but I am only one hound and many pigs could overwhelm me! Rosco and Layla are no help, they just lay there and sleep. If we are going to defend this house from them it is up to me.

So I did some online research. It turns out that Christmas Pig Monsters (and non-holiday pig monsters as well) have a weakness. Angry little birdies evidently kick their butts.

I'm glad these guys are on our side. The little yellow one is the best

So it turns out we have a bird feeder in the front yard by the door! And the cats are always watching the birds eat. I would be pretty angry if I had cats watching me eat the entire time so I'm sure those birdies are pretty angry too! So I guess we are safe. And if any Christmas Pig Monsters get past the angry birdies, I will be ready to bite them once they try and get inside. In the meantime, I am going to take a nap.

Famous Basset Hound Friday # 43

As I was logging in to write this week's famous basset hound, Google asked me if I wanted to add my phone number to their service. This was in case someone ever hacked my account. I don't even know what hacking means! I sort of make that noise when something goes down the wrong pipe in my throat... I certainly hope no one would do that to Jowls of Fury! It doesn't really matter, I don't have a phone anyway, so I added daddy's number and selected the 'maximum cost texting rates' or something like that. Won't he be surprised!

Anyway. It's time for another famous hound! This hound is a little belated Christmastime, but it's OK because she is such a happening hound that it totally doesn't matter that the lights and the monsters are all put away! Her name is Martha and she appears in the commercials for Tommy Hilfiger. The one for Christmastime is evidently at the house for insane people because up until Martha's appearance in the commercial I just wanted to bite someone. Then she pulls the plug on the methamphetamine party they were having and restores sanity to the house and Christmastime TV's everywhere.

Thank God for Martha, I couldn't take much more of that

Oh plus! Martha has a blog! She hasn't posted much but between the commercial and the blog she is a famous hound! Check her out here! She's our newest famous hound!

Weird Word Wednesday # 20

I have recovered enough from the horror of being forced to travel in close proximity with Nibbler (who gets sick and vomits) and Oliver (who has intestinal problems) to update our Weird Word entries. Mom and dad have argued about this stupid phrase several times, and each of their insistence that they are correct has driven me to resolve it.

The word is "catty corner", or maybe "kitty corner", or perhaps even "caddy corner", depending on whose definition you use.

Mom favors "kitty corner", which I don't like. Why would you want us in the corner?

Unacceptable

Dad favors "caddy corner", which is really no better because it is just stupid.

Acceptable, but still stupid

What they are both trying to say is "two things diagonally across from each other". While that is the lengthiest way to get your point across at least you don't sound like an oaf while doing it.

Long winter's naps are the time to strike

All the dogs have been ranting about how great grandma's house is. What they forget is that us cats were visiting grandma's long before there were any dogs. Well there have always been dogs at grandma's, but those dogs at least stayed at grandma's and did not require us to travel in a small cage with the potential of cat vomit looming for 10 hours.

Yes this dog was big and scary but at least he didn't follow me home

Now at grandma's there is an upstairs, a downstairs, and the floor that the dogs live on. Unfortunately the dog floor is between the two cat floors, so you literally take your life into your own paws to go from the sleeping room to the pooping and eating room. This makes it difficult if you are a true cat hero like me and refuse to fraternize with those god-forsaken dogs like some of my cat siblings.

That is one kid and three dogs too many

What is a cat to do? Well, if you are a smart cat like me, you sleep under the bed or in the basement and wait for the dogs to take a nap. Then you come upstairs and scowl at them very ferociously, and mentally let them know how lucky they are that you are feeling benevolent and have decided to let them live another few hours. Then you hastily make your way up the stairs, squeeze your beautiful cat body through the handrail posts that some idiot built too close together, and scamper beneath the bed to sleep the sleep of the just.

You don't know how lucky you are dog