Just too tired!

We are officially just too tired to post.  It was a long day filled with great grandma's house, chasing kitties and car rides.  We shall return after some much needed beauty rest.

Stupid TV Commercial # 41

So it is nearly Easter.  That is the holiday where a magical rabbit brings people chocolate and other candies, and hides it in the house in a basket.  Somehow this is related to religion.  It also has to do with Mardi Gras, which Layla sort of explained in another post.  We are not religious animals so the importance of these things are lost on us.  What I want to know is whether there is a giant rabbit running around my home or not.  I have seen regular rabbits in the yard before and heard the dogs talk about chasing them.  If they are anything like squirrels they are regular little punks, sitting in my window and gnawing on their stupid squirrel teeth.  They are just lucky there is a thick pane of glass between us, and that I am not an outside cat!

Anyway - Easter has this TV commercial called the 'Cadbury Easter Bunny'.  I don't know much about bunnies but I don't think they make the kind of noises the Cadbury bunny makes.  Well in this week's stupid commercial, they are having tryouts for a new bunny.  Notice the first animal is a pig - good luck pal.  The next two are a lion and a regular cat.  Neither of those two animals would be caught dead trying to be a bunny.  We would rather eat the bunny together after an invigorating chase scene where we both pounced on it together, and then high-fived each other after the kill.  We most certainly would not make odd noises while wearing bunny ears.  Clearly a case of animal abuse here.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 40

OK so this commercial has been on for awhile, but it is actually kind of funny.  Not because the dogs are right at the end - it's funny because it makes dogs look stupid.  I mean c'mon, where are those fierce fangs we hear so much about?  And NO amount of doggie treats can combat their horrid dragon breath.

You guys look really stupid

OK OK OK I can't pretend it isn't funny!  And there is a website that lets you try it on your own animals.  So we tried it out on our dogs, because dentures on cats isn't funny at all. If you have stupid dogs in your house you want to try this on you can go to this site.  But please note: we didn't do it to Beau, because putting dentures on a dog old and decrepit enough that he might actually need his own dentures just isn't cool.

First here is Breezy, because she always chases us.

Looking good there you dippy dog

Next is Layla, that blimp of a basset.  She likes to chase us too but she also takes up a ton of space on the couch, space that could be otherwise occupied by us cats.

Laugh it up blimpy

And finally is Rosco, all blinged up because of his obsession with GQ models and showing off his man region.  And Santa hat.

You have something in your teeth...  bwahaha...

This has been the best Stupid TV Commercial Sunday ever!

My big day

Today was a very eventful day.  Dad took me to the vet's this morning.  I was initially very excited to go for a car ride, but I was less excited when I realized it was to the vet's.  However they didn't hurt me too badly, only drew a little blood and then let me go home.  All the young pups here were very jealous that I got personal time with dad in the car.  We napped in our crates until lunch, when dad came home and let us out.  Normally he gets his lunch and goes back to work, and we only get a few minutes out of our crates to do our business.  But today he stayed home and ate lunch with us, so we got to sprawl on the floor and on the couch before going back in our crates.

Mom beat dad home today and she sat out on the porch with us.  It was a really nice day out, very sunny and warm and breezy.  When dad got home we got to go to the dog park!  I ran around and barked at everyone, and made sure to sniff lots of things.  Many people gave me attention but more than a few of them commented on my health issues.  I always have thought that was rather rude of people, and it makes me self-conscious of my appearance and it really takes away from the enjoyment of the dog park.

Later, mom and dad told me that the blood draw this morning turned out OK.  The vet said I am healthy enough to go through surgery.  They said that tomorrow the vet is going to remove some of my lumps and make me more comfortable.  Dad said he will put me to sleep (not that bad kind of putting to sleep - I made sure I understood dad very clearly and that the vet was not going to put me to sleep permanently, I still have a lot of bassety things I want to do and I am starting to like my new home).  Once I am asleep (just temporarily) they will do surgery on me.  I will wake up with a few stitches but lots less tumors, and I will go through a recovery period.  Then I should be good as new.  Mom says I will be like a 'new man'.  I wonder...

I wonder how many years they will take off me

And lastly, today is National Dog Biscuit Day.  We celebrated by getting a new bag of treats tonight.  I liked mine but to be perfectly honest I am a little worried about tomorrow.  I haven't been to surgery since I was a pup and got fixed.  I am not the young strapping hound I once was, and I hope that everything goes OK.  Especially now that I have a couple of special lady friends - I need to come back in good shape so I can take them out to the dog park and show them a good time.  Their names are Sadie and Maggie, we met at the Cyberhound.  

So if you happen to have a moment to spare please cross your paws for me tomorrow.  I will have dad write about me once I come home.  Thanks to everyone who has supported me and my surgery, we really appreciate it.

So... I will see everyone when I get back.

Stupid TV Commercial # 39

With all the new dogs in this house it is getting difficult to watch TV.  They take up so much of the couch!  And the newest one has really bad gas!  Fortunately mom falls asleep with the TV on sometimes and I catch up on my Golden Girls episodes while they sleep.  They don't make actresses like Estelle Getty anymore.

Anyway - this new store opened up in town recently.  They have really bad commercials.  I think they are supposed to be bad, and that is supposed to make them slightly less bad somehow (humans...  go figure).  But in this case, it just remains bad.  The green eyeshadow is what does it for me.  I think she ought to have that looked at.  Plus why are her legs like that when she is flying?  If she tried to land they would buckle under her admittedly lithe, healthy-lifestyle influenced frame.

The crusades failed for a reason, you know

Anyway - time to go lay in the window and watch the birds.

Of all the dogs I hate this one the least

I could get used to this new kind of dog. He is old and decrepit! And he can barely walk anywhere without wheezing and running out of breath! He is like the Darth Vader of dogs, only minus the horrible telekinesis and noisy energy-based weapons! The best part is that he does not seem to be interested in chasing me. His body is riddled with old age and he cannot torment me like the other three dogs! Haha!

So this bodes well for me. All I need to do is find a way to age the other three dogs to the point that they no longer are able to chase me anymore. As I understand it dogs age 7 years for every 1 human year. So in the next year or two they will all be too old and decrepit to chase me. And then victory will be mine!

Why I am a bad sport (not really)

So there is this contest called Mango Minster. It is run by a dog, but there are some cats there as well, and I suspect they are really the brains behind the show. Anyway, last year two of the idiot dogs in this house entered and did not win. Why would they? No self-respecting cat that is playing a game of shadows with dogs would let two of the most slobbery creatures in existence win. So I decided I would enter myself this year. The cats controlling Mango Minster have wisely decided to let us enter as 'bad sports', preserving the illusion that the dogs are running the show when they are really just chasing their tails. So I will play along and tell you why I am such a bad sport (wink wink).

I'm a bad sport because I have never even tried to be friends with idiot dog 1, idiot dog 2, or supreme idiot dog 3. I would rather just growl and hiss and swat at them if they get within 10 feet of me. I'll tell you why - they have taken over my house. That and they want me dead. One of my favorite things ever is to eat my favorite food - Ocean WhiteFish and Tuna (the pureed kind, not that disgusting gravy stuff). But those stupid slobbery dogs are so frightening that I can't eat with them in the house, and even when they are outside I find it is best to stay near the safety of a bed so I can escape their dumbness if I have to.

This is the only viable option I have

Bunsen may find this acceptable but he is an idiot

... I remember the good old days, when it was just me and mama and those other cats that are beneath me.

I was such an adorable little tyke

The other cats were truly blessed to have me

Mama and I had such a special bond

All that changed one day, when idiot dog 1 came to live with us. At first he was tiny and I thought perhaps he would just live in a box in a closet somewhere. But as he grew older I realized that he had my death on his mind.

I should have known from the start

At first I was OK with being a basement cat. Then we moved to a house where the dogs got into the basement. So I had no other choice. I did what any self-respecting cat with idiot blogging dogs would do.

I took over their blog. There, I said it, and I'm not sorry. Whiskers of Fury was the best thing that ever happened to the internet, and it would've worked too, if not for a twist of fate. I have laid low for awhile, but I decided I would use my winnings from Mango Minster to send the dogs off to Siberia or somewhere, and then order a truckload of Ocean WhiteFish and Tuna to share with myself after my glorious achievement.

If that makes me a bad sport so be it.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 35

Hot on the heels of the last stupid TV commercial, the fast food chain giant McDonald's ups the ante in stupidity with their latest stab at selling more processed fried chicken parts.  The dogs think that chicken nuggets are great, but us cats know that the best chicken gets pureed and put into a can, then served to us on a dish.  Preferably at grandma's.

I hate you all

I know that these people are probably just actors, but if I were them I would have to get plastic surgery, move out of the country, and change my name, following the shame of being in such a stupid commercial.  'Slam to the dunk'?  Ugh!  Just kill me and get it over with!

Long winter's naps are the time to strike

All the dogs have been ranting about how great grandma's house is. What they forget is that us cats were visiting grandma's long before there were any dogs. Well there have always been dogs at grandma's, but those dogs at least stayed at grandma's and did not require us to travel in a small cage with the potential of cat vomit looming for 10 hours.

Yes this dog was big and scary but at least he didn't follow me home

Now at grandma's there is an upstairs, a downstairs, and the floor that the dogs live on. Unfortunately the dog floor is between the two cat floors, so you literally take your life into your own paws to go from the sleeping room to the pooping and eating room. This makes it difficult if you are a true cat hero like me and refuse to fraternize with those god-forsaken dogs like some of my cat siblings.

That is one kid and three dogs too many

What is a cat to do? Well, if you are a smart cat like me, you sleep under the bed or in the basement and wait for the dogs to take a nap. Then you come upstairs and scowl at them very ferociously, and mentally let them know how lucky they are that you are feeling benevolent and have decided to let them live another few hours. Then you hastily make your way up the stairs, squeeze your beautiful cat body through the handrail posts that some idiot built too close together, and scamper beneath the bed to sleep the sleep of the just.

You don't know how lucky you are dog

Weird Word Wednesday # 19

How was everyone's Thanksgiving? We enjoyed a nice, quiet weekend to ourselves, with no yapping dogs or arguing family. Then the dogs came back and things went back to normal.

Anyway, here's the newest Weird Word. This week's (month's - so sue me) word is 'behooves'. It is used by people who want to sound intelligent as a way to say 'it is good for you to do this'. Used in a proper sentence, one might say 'It behooves the cat owner to feed them regularly, as to do otherwise invites certain death - and we don't mean the cat'.

But what does the word really mean? It sounds like it means 'the person who does this will get a nice set of hooves'. Sort of like 'bestow' or 'bequeath'. Come to think of it, those are all pretty weird words. Any way you slice it, I think I will stick to my paws.

Leave the cross-species intermingling to the experts

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 31

I don't know how they expect me to get my beauty rest anymore. Lately when they fall asleep in my big bed and I try to lay on their heads like I usually do they launch me off. It isn't like I can sleep on the couch back like I want to because I get mauled by sloppy-jowled hounds every time a leaf blows by the window, thinking they are going to defend the house against armed intruders. Then today the laundry room had a flood and they were stomping around yelling about it and running vacuum cleaners.

Oh well, this gave me lots of time to watch TV and find another stupid commercial for you all. This week's stupid commercial fits the bill perfectly.

This dog Buster seems to think he is some hot-shot businessman, and he talks down to pet food salesman. First of all, all dogs are too stupid to hold an office this high. Do a web search for 'business dog' and you get results like this:

What are you in a frat house? Roll your sleeves down you slob!

I guess if you want to run your company like some kind of goat rodeo that will work. Myself I prefer a company whose upper echelon actually behaves like they didn't just fall off a turnip wagon.

While dumb dogs are licking their behinds cats are doing important work

So try as he might, "Buster" isn't fooling anybody. Dogs ought to stick to chasing balls and panting - leave important things like running the world to the experts. If you disagree, you might as well continue shopping at Petco.

Miss Mayzie's Adoption Week

Hello readers, Korbin here. I have decided to take another shot at blogging after I overheard the buzz on Miss Mayzie's Adoption Week. This is an important project even if it is being spearheaded by a dog (you can find all the details here). Basically, she is trying to promote pet adoption by asking all of us bloggers to showcase an animal who needs a forever home. If we win a random draw at the end of the adoption week, she will donate$100 to whatever rescue organization we want.

So after doing a little searching online, I decided to showcase the coolest Maine Coon I could find in our area. He has a pretty awesome name too - his name is "After Midnight", and you can read all about him here. His profile is short on details but I decided to pick him because:

a. he has such an awesome name

b. he obviously enjoys his 'nip - "After Midnight" was a song that was performed by a couple of humans like Clapton and Marley, and they certainly enjoyed their version of 'nip

c. his picture is sideways. He clearly marches to the tune of a different drummer

Non-conformist Maine coons rule

So if you are thinking about getting yourself a cool cat then look no further. Also check out the dog's blog to see who else is posting pets that are up for adoption.

Peace out.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 30

In the spirit of All Hallow's Eve, this week's stupid TV commercial highlights a common misconception among humans and Hollywood executives: that black cats (like me) are harbingers of evil spirits and witches. We're really just superb lovers in our sleek black form (just ask Beaker).

So our stupid TV commercial this week is the trailer for the 1989 stinker of a movie 'Pet Sematary'. In it, a human decides to bury his dead cat and child in an Indian burial ground.

This movie was made before my time, but it explores the ridiculous notion that reincarnated cats are evil and try to attack humans at their every opportunity. First, we are not evil. Second, we only attack humans at prime opportunities (like when they are sleeping). Third, if we came back from the dead, we would certainly take the time to groom ourselves and nap a lot. A zombie basset hound would've MUCH more plausible. I can hear them saying "cat braaaaains" as we speak.

Mr. King should stick to being a writer, not a moviemaker or a priest or whatever. Pet Sematary definitely was subpar to Cat's Eye as far as King movies go.

A map for mama

I am taking advantage of a dog-free house to quickly post this message. They are in the back yard barking at leaves or something but I only have a few minutes before they come tearing back in here and try to eat me.

This new house sounds great and all until you look at it through a cat's eyes. Then you realize that there is very little space where a cat can be free to lounge and lick themselves without fearing for a basset hound attack. I have included a map to show you just how bad the situation is - there is literally two mattress' worth of space where I am safe. And since they are both beneath mattresses I am not able to lay in the sun or chase my shakey mice at all.

So I'm not a big fan of the new house. The dogs can get at me even under the beds and bark at me. At least in the old house I had entire rooms to myself. The food and litter boxes are within plain sight of the dogs - so those of us cats with shy bladders have no other option but to wait until they go to their crates. Not to mention that stuff is on the other side of the house from the safe rooms.

So hopefully mama will look at this map and think about making the dogs live somewhere else, like Alaska or Botswana. I hear there are lots of basset hounds in Botswana. Let the Botswana cats deal with them.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 29

I know it's been awhile since we did one of these. The stupid dogs can chase us just about everywhere now. Nibbler is working on a map, apparently. Now that they are all finally sleeping I have the time to get my blogging in.

This week's annoying commercial flies in the face of everything I have seen dad do around here. In it this lady wants to eat her cereal but she can't because it's not morning time. Her solution is not the first obvious example...

OK first off - just eat the stupid cereal at bedtime. Human do that all the time. Second off - even if you have to concoct some weird mental justification for eating the food you bought for yourself at some unusual hour, don't go dragging your stupid Chinese New Year's dragon costume out of the closet. The neighbors will end up calling the police again.

Nutjob.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 27

I have seen enough Famous Basset Hound Fridays get all the attention around here. I am tired of this rosy standard that the stumpy little slobberers try to paint about their breed. Let me be the first to tell you that they are NOT all that.

Exhibit A.

Rosco likes to point out the long, storied history of the basset hound, and how they make such great spokesmen for different beloved American brands. Nothing could be further from the truth. They are in fact frightening, monstrous creatures that should not be trusted with the sale of shoes (literally).

Literally, something out of a horror movie!

But it doesn't end there. That was just a commercial - I present to you Exhibit B, the real deal.

Now we could be generous and assume this dog has some sort of mental deficiency. Instead I choose to ridicule and belittle this pitiful creature from a safe distance. An enraged hound can slobber all over a cat's silky coat and remove countless hours of cleaning.

It would be acceptable for these hideous creatures to walk the same Earth as us cats if they were as stupid as they looked. I am a benevolent cat, I can agree to allow lesser creatures to grovel at my feet. But basset hounds are shifty, untrustworthy, and all around a bad deal. I present to you Exhibit C.

The cat rests his case.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 26

This week's stupid commercial would really get under my collar, if I wore one. It's another example of the dog-biased media we are all subjected to these days. Commercials like these make me wonder why I even bother watching TV some days.

OK first of all, just because we are cats does NOT mean we are burglars. Not all cats are evil. Not all of the time anyway. Look it isn't our fault that dogs are so dumb and gullible and easy to outsmart! That doesn't make us evil, it just makes you stupid! Second, even if we WERE all evil, what on earth would we want with a bone or a rubber toy car? Keep your stupid dog-smelling stuff, we don't want it! And a stupid red umbrella wouldn't stop us anyway!

Dumb dogs. This was a really stupid TV commercial.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 25

Let me start off by telling you this: I am in a bad mood. All of us cats got stuffed into a dog crate today and carted off in the car. The dogs were in there too and crybaby Nibbler was freaking out whenever they would look at him. He got so worked up that he puked all over and when there are 5 cats in one crate and one of them pukes it's bathtime for everyone.

Stupid Nibbler. Stupid crate. Stupid car, I don't care if it is all for a good reason.

Speaking of stupidity...

Please... stop singing.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday #20

Well this week's stupid TV commercial is enough to set the hairballs loose in my stomach. I am not an old enough cat to have seen the original 'Smurfs' cartoon, but I understand they were the sort of thing that kittens watched. Some genius decided they needed to spend millions of dollars to remake it with 3D. 3D is enough to do more than set the hairballs loose - you might as well break out that enzymatic pet stain cleaner you've got.

Anyway, the most recent 'Smurfs' movie trailer is our newest dumb TV commercial. Why? Well, watch it if you want to lose a few brain cells. More importantly, the cat is typecast as evil (and he sounds like he is mentally handicapped when he laughs). The fact that there is a basset hound chasing the stupid Smurfs in this commercial is purely coincidental - I wouldn't want to upset the tender feelings of the 3 hounds in this household (although a basset hound would probably be a good Smurf control system - they would slobber them to death and then eat them).

Smurfs. With Katy Perry doing a voice. Plus it's the first in a planned trilogy of movies. Hopefully I die before the other two come out. Watch the link below at your own risk.

Weird Word Wednesday # 14

The dogs said we could have our blogging rights back if we agreed to pay homage to them with a few of our newest blogs. I agreed to be the first one since I am the most peaceful and creative cat.

So today's stupid human word is "catnap". The dogs felt that the word should actually be "dognap", or maybe even "bassetnap". It is more fitting since they are so good at napping and obviously better than cats.

There. Penance done. I need to go throw up now.