Stupid TV Commercial # 43

We have another Easter entry in our stupid TV commercial category.  We have already commented on the fact that rabbits do not make chicken noises.  Well it appears that another confectionary CEO does not understand rabbit biology.  The good folks at Reese's put out an ad where a chocolate rabbit (which isn't even ALIVE) and a jar of peanut butter (which isn't even the FACSIMILE OF A LIVING CREATURE) 'get it on' to create the offspring of their sugary union - a chocolate egg.  A CHOCOLATE EGG.  Neither of those two 'parents' have anything to do with eggs.  What is the matter with commercials these days?

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 42

A pretty short blog entry for Stupid TV Commercial Sunday this week.

Now I don't eat macaroni and cheese - but if I did, I would have some severe reservations about continuing the habit, given that you evidently need to have mild brain damage to do so.

Stupid TV Commercial # 41

So it is nearly Easter.  That is the holiday where a magical rabbit brings people chocolate and other candies, and hides it in the house in a basket.  Somehow this is related to religion.  It also has to do with Mardi Gras, which Layla sort of explained in another post.  We are not religious animals so the importance of these things are lost on us.  What I want to know is whether there is a giant rabbit running around my home or not.  I have seen regular rabbits in the yard before and heard the dogs talk about chasing them.  If they are anything like squirrels they are regular little punks, sitting in my window and gnawing on their stupid squirrel teeth.  They are just lucky there is a thick pane of glass between us, and that I am not an outside cat!

Anyway - Easter has this TV commercial called the 'Cadbury Easter Bunny'.  I don't know much about bunnies but I don't think they make the kind of noises the Cadbury bunny makes.  Well in this week's stupid commercial, they are having tryouts for a new bunny.  Notice the first animal is a pig - good luck pal.  The next two are a lion and a regular cat.  Neither of those two animals would be caught dead trying to be a bunny.  We would rather eat the bunny together after an invigorating chase scene where we both pounced on it together, and then high-fived each other after the kill.  We most certainly would not make odd noises while wearing bunny ears.  Clearly a case of animal abuse here.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 40

OK so this commercial has been on for awhile, but it is actually kind of funny.  Not because the dogs are right at the end - it's funny because it makes dogs look stupid.  I mean c'mon, where are those fierce fangs we hear so much about?  And NO amount of doggie treats can combat their horrid dragon breath.

You guys look really stupid

OK OK OK I can't pretend it isn't funny!  And there is a website that lets you try it on your own animals.  So we tried it out on our dogs, because dentures on cats isn't funny at all. If you have stupid dogs in your house you want to try this on you can go to this site.  But please note: we didn't do it to Beau, because putting dentures on a dog old and decrepit enough that he might actually need his own dentures just isn't cool.

First here is Breezy, because she always chases us.

Looking good there you dippy dog

Next is Layla, that blimp of a basset.  She likes to chase us too but she also takes up a ton of space on the couch, space that could be otherwise occupied by us cats.

Laugh it up blimpy

And finally is Rosco, all blinged up because of his obsession with GQ models and showing off his man region.  And Santa hat.

You have something in your teeth...  bwahaha...

This has been the best Stupid TV Commercial Sunday ever!

Stupid TV Commercial # 39

With all the new dogs in this house it is getting difficult to watch TV.  They take up so much of the couch!  And the newest one has really bad gas!  Fortunately mom falls asleep with the TV on sometimes and I catch up on my Golden Girls episodes while they sleep.  They don't make actresses like Estelle Getty anymore.

Anyway - this new store opened up in town recently.  They have really bad commercials.  I think they are supposed to be bad, and that is supposed to make them slightly less bad somehow (humans...  go figure).  But in this case, it just remains bad.  The green eyeshadow is what does it for me.  I think she ought to have that looked at.  Plus why are her legs like that when she is flying?  If she tried to land they would buckle under her admittedly lithe, healthy-lifestyle influenced frame.

The crusades failed for a reason, you know

Anyway - time to go lay in the window and watch the birds.

Super Beau Sunday

So today I've high jacked Bunsen's Stupid TV commercial Sunday to talk about something called the "Superbowl." It happens once a year, Mama says, but I don't get all the hype. She says that men in outfits take a ball and run it across the grass and that it goes on for 3 hours. Now I've run around with a ball, even chased a ball but I can tell you that gets old FAST. I could think of something more fun to do for 3 hours, like napping. Now that's a sport a basset can get into!

Our friend Worm over at Life As I Know it: by Worm, the basset hound thinks it's called SuperFoodbowl Sunday. He says its where all of our favorite basset foods get put into a big bowl and we all get to eat it. That sound like my kind of bowl! So far tonight Mama and Daddy have had pizza with bacon on it and they haven't shared! So much for favorite basset foods.

But Mama tells me that today is special for another reason. Today is when we will be meeting out new foster brother, Beau. She said Beau is coming all the way from the East coast and that it's a longer trip than going to our Grandma's in Michigan. Wow that's a long drive! Mama told me that Beau is a special dog because his person died. I would be really sad if Mama or Daddy died. Beau's extended family weren't "dog people" and they didn't want him. I don't understand how anyone couldn't love a dog. I mean I'm the bestest basset in our house (don't tell Layla or Breezy). Everyone loves me! I'm sure that Beau is just as lovable. Anyway he had to live in a garage (kind of like Breezy) until Mama said he could come live here. Two nice ladies named Nancy are driving Beau so he can come live with us. So I guess for Beau today is Super Beau Sunday.

P.S. Mama and Daddy said because Beau is older he has to do to the vets for a check up, to get his toes cut off (because they are really really long), get his ears cleaned, and get shots......after that I stopped listening. Anyhoo this will cost lots of money and so she set up a Chip in for those who would like to help contribute to Beau's vet care. Check out the Chip in Link on our page if you want to help.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 38

This week's stupid commercial continues in the venue of human beings and their disgusting bathroom habits.  It makes me glad I am a cat and I do my business in a box of clumping claylike material.

No, it is not time to do any of those things

I am highly suspicious of a group of women who want to "get real about what happens in the bathroom".  If I were buying toilet paper, I would never operate under any illusion about "what happens in the bathroom".  I know exactly "what happens in the bathroom".

1.  You poop.

2.  You wipe.

3.  You don't talk about either of the above in polite company, or over national television, no matter how much the ad company is paying you.

So...  to reiterate, since this seems to be a common theme...  Humans!  I do not wish to hear about your disgusting bathroom habits!

Stupid commercial.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday #37

This blog has been really dog-heavy lately.  We cats have been laying low, except for Nibbler, who is trying to win an award for most aggravating cat or something.  But my weekly Stupid TV Commercial antennae perked up the other day when this little gem showed up on TV.

Her colon looks really healthy to me

Yet again, human bathroom subject matter has come up on TV.  These people don't seem to be bothered by this woman hijacking a wedding to talk about her stupid colon medicine.  Shut up!  Let's get to the cake already!  I'll cleanse my colon the normal way, by eating some food and running around the house until I need to make a break for the litter box!

Sheesh!

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 35

Hot on the heels of the last stupid TV commercial, the fast food chain giant McDonald's ups the ante in stupidity with their latest stab at selling more processed fried chicken parts.  The dogs think that chicken nuggets are great, but us cats know that the best chicken gets pureed and put into a can, then served to us on a dish.  Preferably at grandma's.

I hate you all

I know that these people are probably just actors, but if I were them I would have to get plastic surgery, move out of the country, and change my name, following the shame of being in such a stupid commercial.  'Slam to the dunk'?  Ugh!  Just kill me and get it over with!

Stupid TV Commercial # 34

OK folks - it's Christmas time, and that means trees with toys that we are not allowed to play with, more crap in the way of our cat vantage points, and knick-knacks everywhere.  Generally I try and make the best of this time of year, but sometimes it just gets to be too much.

Case in point - TV commercials get even stupider this time of the year, if such a thing is possible.  Take the latest from candle company Glade.

What was in those candles anyway?

Korbin might like these candles a lot - they are apparently spiced with something.  Myself, I would be a little disturbed if my Christmas stuff started flying around the house when I lit a candle.  It might even dissuade me from buying those candles.  I would certainly quit using them if they made snowmen come to life and peer into my windows.  Other cats in my yard are bad enough, I don't need animated snow freaks wandering around out there.  And little flying reindeer cookies would be way too much for me.  I'd have to knock them out of the sky, much like any little birdies that make their way into my castle.

Stupid commercial.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 31

I don't know how they expect me to get my beauty rest anymore. Lately when they fall asleep in my big bed and I try to lay on their heads like I usually do they launch me off. It isn't like I can sleep on the couch back like I want to because I get mauled by sloppy-jowled hounds every time a leaf blows by the window, thinking they are going to defend the house against armed intruders. Then today the laundry room had a flood and they were stomping around yelling about it and running vacuum cleaners.

Oh well, this gave me lots of time to watch TV and find another stupid commercial for you all. This week's stupid commercial fits the bill perfectly.

This dog Buster seems to think he is some hot-shot businessman, and he talks down to pet food salesman. First of all, all dogs are too stupid to hold an office this high. Do a web search for 'business dog' and you get results like this:

What are you in a frat house? Roll your sleeves down you slob!

I guess if you want to run your company like some kind of goat rodeo that will work. Myself I prefer a company whose upper echelon actually behaves like they didn't just fall off a turnip wagon.

While dumb dogs are licking their behinds cats are doing important work

So try as he might, "Buster" isn't fooling anybody. Dogs ought to stick to chasing balls and panting - leave important things like running the world to the experts. If you disagree, you might as well continue shopping at Petco.

Stupid TV Commercial # 31

Boy, this week's commercial is dumb. It's trying to get you to sign up for Dish TV service. Now at first that sounded alright to me, because dishes sometimes have moist food on them or milk in them. TV and a nice snack would be alright - but I guess it has more to do with the dish they put on top of your house to get the signal for the TV. We have one of those in our yard but we have DirecTV instead. Anyway, this Dish commercial has something to do with cowboys and dumb hats - the link between that and television provider service is lost on me.

Now I am not much for worrying about who provides what in this house, except for litter box service and food detail. But I do have to wonder why a bunch of cowboys with encephalic hats and localized excess testosterone are trying to convince me to get this TV service by using a company that has gone bankrupt. Then again, cowboy hats don't really mean marketing genius...

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 30

In the spirit of All Hallow's Eve, this week's stupid TV commercial highlights a common misconception among humans and Hollywood executives: that black cats (like me) are harbingers of evil spirits and witches. We're really just superb lovers in our sleek black form (just ask Beaker).

So our stupid TV commercial this week is the trailer for the 1989 stinker of a movie 'Pet Sematary'. In it, a human decides to bury his dead cat and child in an Indian burial ground.

This movie was made before my time, but it explores the ridiculous notion that reincarnated cats are evil and try to attack humans at their every opportunity. First, we are not evil. Second, we only attack humans at prime opportunities (like when they are sleeping). Third, if we came back from the dead, we would certainly take the time to groom ourselves and nap a lot. A zombie basset hound would've MUCH more plausible. I can hear them saying "cat braaaaains" as we speak.

Mr. King should stick to being a writer, not a moviemaker or a priest or whatever. Pet Sematary definitely was subpar to Cat's Eye as far as King movies go.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 29

I know it's been awhile since we did one of these. The stupid dogs can chase us just about everywhere now. Nibbler is working on a map, apparently. Now that they are all finally sleeping I have the time to get my blogging in.

This week's annoying commercial flies in the face of everything I have seen dad do around here. In it this lady wants to eat her cereal but she can't because it's not morning time. Her solution is not the first obvious example...

OK first off - just eat the stupid cereal at bedtime. Human do that all the time. Second off - even if you have to concoct some weird mental justification for eating the food you bought for yourself at some unusual hour, don't go dragging your stupid Chinese New Year's dragon costume out of the closet. The neighbors will end up calling the police again.

Nutjob.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 28

I have talked about stupid commercials involving the bathroom before. This one tops even that.

Human babies are even more disgusting than humans when it comes to bathroom needs. Babies wear things called diapers, which are pants that they go to the bathroom in. The unlucky parents have to change these periodically. Anyway, I guess the better a diaper is at holding stuff in the better the parents feel. Or something.

They have ruined rap for me. And I hope there are never any babies in this house.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 27

I have seen enough Famous Basset Hound Fridays get all the attention around here. I am tired of this rosy standard that the stumpy little slobberers try to paint about their breed. Let me be the first to tell you that they are NOT all that.

Exhibit A.

Rosco likes to point out the long, storied history of the basset hound, and how they make such great spokesmen for different beloved American brands. Nothing could be further from the truth. They are in fact frightening, monstrous creatures that should not be trusted with the sale of shoes (literally).

Literally, something out of a horror movie!

But it doesn't end there. That was just a commercial - I present to you Exhibit B, the real deal.

Now we could be generous and assume this dog has some sort of mental deficiency. Instead I choose to ridicule and belittle this pitiful creature from a safe distance. An enraged hound can slobber all over a cat's silky coat and remove countless hours of cleaning.

It would be acceptable for these hideous creatures to walk the same Earth as us cats if they were as stupid as they looked. I am a benevolent cat, I can agree to allow lesser creatures to grovel at my feet. But basset hounds are shifty, untrustworthy, and all around a bad deal. I present to you Exhibit C.

The cat rests his case.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 26

This week's stupid commercial would really get under my collar, if I wore one. It's another example of the dog-biased media we are all subjected to these days. Commercials like these make me wonder why I even bother watching TV some days.

OK first of all, just because we are cats does NOT mean we are burglars. Not all cats are evil. Not all of the time anyway. Look it isn't our fault that dogs are so dumb and gullible and easy to outsmart! That doesn't make us evil, it just makes you stupid! Second, even if we WERE all evil, what on earth would we want with a bone or a rubber toy car? Keep your stupid dog-smelling stuff, we don't want it! And a stupid red umbrella wouldn't stop us anyway!

Dumb dogs. This was a really stupid TV commercial.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 25

Let me start off by telling you this: I am in a bad mood. All of us cats got stuffed into a dog crate today and carted off in the car. The dogs were in there too and crybaby Nibbler was freaking out whenever they would look at him. He got so worked up that he puked all over and when there are 5 cats in one crate and one of them pukes it's bathtime for everyone.

Stupid Nibbler. Stupid crate. Stupid car, I don't care if it is all for a good reason.

Speaking of stupidity...

Please... stop singing.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 24

Normally when I think of beaches, I think of huge, endless tracts of litter box material, warm days, a cool, soothing breeze, Beaker in her bikini, and all the shrimp I can eat. But this commercial has ruined my cat beach fantasy with six little words:

"You look like a beach angel."

Thanks, Travelocity. Your commercial where people who evidently suffered brain damage from travelling in the luggage compartment on the plane have come to my beach and infected it with their stupidity. And who is this Rodrigo? My beach only has room for one debonair male.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 23

Ugh! I remember this week's commercial, despite years of cat therapy to try and forget it! It is one of the most weaselly, rotten, below-the-belt advertising tactics.

Repetition! If you hear something over and over again you can't forget it! Buy me moist food buy me moist food buy me moist food buy me moist food!

The makers of Head-On eventually made some other stuff, and their newer commercials were a bit less brainwashy, but this commercial still irritates me. In fact, it was so aggravating to have to watch this commercial to write this blog that I have a headache. I need to go get some Head-On, and apply it directly to the-

You see what I mean?