Famous Basset Hound Friday # 49

Let me start out this Famous Basset Hound Friday by saying that Beauregard the Basset was taken this morning. He went to the vet's and they are keeping him overnight. Daddy said that they removed 10 whole pounds of tumors from him. That is like 25% of me. 25% of a puppyman! The big one on his chest is gone and the weird hanging one on his back leg is gone. I guess he had one near his nether regions because that one is gone too. I myself did not fancy the idea of checking out old man basset hound nether regions so I was not aware of that last one, but any tumors gone are good things. The vet said he woke right up from surgery and is doing well. He gets to come home tomorrow but has to go back in a few days later to get his drains and stitches taken out. I hope he feels better soon.

Anyway that is all for our Beau update. Stay tuned for more Beau-related news.

And now it is time for our latest famous hound! Today is a four-for-one deal! Yes I am wheeling and dealing, handing out famous hounds like it is going out of style!

It's not though! We will keep doing this until there are no more famous hounds, at which point the world will be a little bit less houndy! And that will be terrible! But fear not, there is no shortage of famous hounds!

We would like to introduce you to Winston, Aimee, Cleo, and Bella. They are the HoundDogs of HoundDogMom, one of the first basset blogs we ever started to read and another inspiration for Jowls of Fury. We even got to meet each of them (except Bella) at the first GABR waddle we went to. Unfortunately Ms. Cleo had to go to the bridge last year, and it was very hard for her mama. But eventually they found Bella, another rescue hound (yay HoundDogMom and the other HoundDogs!), and she has fit right in.

That sort of sounds familiar...

Anyway, if you would like to check out the doings of the HoundDogs you can click on HoundDogMom's blog link that I have conveniently inserted here. They do lots of fun stuff like play in the snow, run the Basset 500, and post 'Wordless Wednesdays'. These posts are some of my favorites because they show the complexities of basset hound life with no words at all. It is very artsy and something we have not tried to capture here at Jowls of Fury. Also Beaker has her stupid Weird Word thing that she rarely does but daddy says we can't take her airtime away from her. All she ever does is lay on the couch, we have 4 hounds in this house cats I believe the laying on the couch jobs are spoken for! Go lick yourselves or something!

Anyway those are our newest famous hounds!

Rescue Me # 3

Rosco isn't feeling so well today. He got sick in his crate and daddy had to clean the mess up at his lunchtime, and boy did Rosco feel bad. Normally he looks forward to Famous Basset Hound Friday but today he just is not in any kind of shape to be blogging. So I put my paw on his forehead and said "No worries little brother, I have your back at Jowls of Fury". This gives me the opportunity to write another Rescue Me blog post.

This week's hound is Houston of ABC Basset Rescue. The ABC stands for 'All Bassets Cherished', or as I like to call it, 'What everyone should be doing anyway'. Houston came from Texas where he was a breeder hound, which means he had to make lots of puppies but never got to play with them or anything. He's got a funny accent because he is from the south and he spells his words wrong but don't hold that against him, he still needs a forever home. He uses words like 'rootin-tootin' and 'hunkey-dorey'. You know, the kind of words that drives Beaker crazy. But he likes the things that make him a hound: snoozing, sniffing, cuddling, belly rubs, etc. etc.

Oh yeah and the ABC people came to the waddle! Plus they have a humongous hound wagon called an 'RV'. I'm not sure what it stands for, but their hound wagon is way bigger than ours. I hope daddy upgrades ours soon because I would really like to travel in style. Perhaps Houston gets to drive around New York in it?

Anyway, there is a picture of Mr. Houston below. If you would like more information you can find his adoption page here. Hopefully someone rescues him!

Y'all's from the south?

Weird Word Wednesday # 20

I have recovered enough from the horror of being forced to travel in close proximity with Nibbler (who gets sick and vomits) and Oliver (who has intestinal problems) to update our Weird Word entries. Mom and dad have argued about this stupid phrase several times, and each of their insistence that they are correct has driven me to resolve it.

The word is "catty corner", or maybe "kitty corner", or perhaps even "caddy corner", depending on whose definition you use.

Mom favors "kitty corner", which I don't like. Why would you want us in the corner?

Unacceptable

Dad favors "caddy corner", which is really no better because it is just stupid.

Acceptable, but still stupid

What they are both trying to say is "two things diagonally across from each other". While that is the lengthiest way to get your point across at least you don't sound like an oaf while doing it.

Weird Word Wednesday # 19

How was everyone's Thanksgiving? We enjoyed a nice, quiet weekend to ourselves, with no yapping dogs or arguing family. Then the dogs came back and things went back to normal.

Anyway, here's the newest Weird Word. This week's (month's - so sue me) word is 'behooves'. It is used by people who want to sound intelligent as a way to say 'it is good for you to do this'. Used in a proper sentence, one might say 'It behooves the cat owner to feed them regularly, as to do otherwise invites certain death - and we don't mean the cat'.

But what does the word really mean? It sounds like it means 'the person who does this will get a nice set of hooves'. Sort of like 'bestow' or 'bequeath'. Come to think of it, those are all pretty weird words. Any way you slice it, I think I will stick to my paws.

Leave the cross-species intermingling to the experts

Weird Word Wednesday # 18

This week's weird word is used every once in awhile on TV. It was used more often in the past but I hear it just enough to irritate me. It's the phrase "The jig is up", and it's used to mean something like "Now the truth about my trickery has been discovered so I can't pretend anymore".

So a jig is something people use to make boats. It also has something to do with saws and puzzles. None of these meanings make any sense in terms of how they use that phrase. The saw is up? The puzzle is up? The boat is up? What the heck do any of those things have to do with discovered lies?

Honestly, this is the race that feeds us cats. It's a miracle we all don't starve.

Weird Word Wednesday # 17

This week's weird word is inspired by my mood.

The word is 'exterminate', which means 'to eliminate'. The reason I think this is a weird word is because the root word 'terminate' also means 'to eliminate'. For some reason adding the 'ex-' modifier doesn't change the word's meaning at all.

Usually adding the 'ex-' modifier makes it the opposite meaning. An 'ex-wife' is a former wife, an 'ex-convict' is a former convict, and an 'ex-basset hound' is what I would like to see happen around here three times.

But when you 'ex-terminate' something you don't actually bring it back to life. You kill it, just as if you 'terminate' it. This is annoying to me, but it's also useful to talk about dogs you want to get rid of - either word applies.

Dogs beware

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 30

In the spirit of All Hallow's Eve, this week's stupid TV commercial highlights a common misconception among humans and Hollywood executives: that black cats (like me) are harbingers of evil spirits and witches. We're really just superb lovers in our sleek black form (just ask Beaker).

So our stupid TV commercial this week is the trailer for the 1989 stinker of a movie 'Pet Sematary'. In it, a human decides to bury his dead cat and child in an Indian burial ground.

This movie was made before my time, but it explores the ridiculous notion that reincarnated cats are evil and try to attack humans at their every opportunity. First, we are not evil. Second, we only attack humans at prime opportunities (like when they are sleeping). Third, if we came back from the dead, we would certainly take the time to groom ourselves and nap a lot. A zombie basset hound would've MUCH more plausible. I can hear them saying "cat braaaaains" as we speak.

Mr. King should stick to being a writer, not a moviemaker or a priest or whatever. Pet Sematary definitely was subpar to Cat's Eye as far as King movies go.

Uh oh

... there are boxes everywhere again.

Uh oh...

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday # 24

Normally when I think of beaches, I think of huge, endless tracts of litter box material, warm days, a cool, soothing breeze, Beaker in her bikini, and all the shrimp I can eat. But this commercial has ruined my cat beach fantasy with six little words:

"You look like a beach angel."

Thanks, Travelocity. Your commercial where people who evidently suffered brain damage from travelling in the luggage compartment on the plane have come to my beach and infected it with their stupidity. And who is this Rodrigo? My beach only has room for one debonair male.

Little brat

So I see Nibbler has decided to share details of my personal life with the world at large.

He is a little brat. Also a hypocrite. See the video below, and keep in mind that he needs to have these baths regularly because he is too fat to bathe himself.

Weird Word Wednesday # 16

My triumphant return is at hand! This time, I am taking over something that can never be taken away from me!

Weird Word Wednesday!

Why can't it be taken away from me, you ask? Because I'm only going to do it once and then give it up. This sort of dedication is not to be had from a cat - especially one as important as me.

Anyway, this week's weird word is "dreadlocks". Dreadlocks are a hairstyle that humans have when they decide they want to be lazy and not clean themselves anymore. Growing hair that isn't brushed or cleaned tangles and gets all nappy, and for some reason is referred to as dreadlocks.

Now supposedly this has something to do with two words that were combined in the 1960's - dreads and locks - and that's why we have the word dreadlocks, which have little to do with nappy hair. To me it sounds more like human gibberish (you should hear them talk to the dogs). But dreadlocks aren't just limited to humans - my cat siblings Korbin and Beaker get them as well, because they no longer take the time to bathe themselves. This leads to mama having to brush them which makes them scream and howl, and leads to me rolling around laughing at them.

Time for someone to get shaved...

EXCUSE me??

So I heard recently that Drew Barrymore had some less-than-endearing things to say about me. Click here to read the entire story. I will wait a few minutes so you can read it and fume like I did, then come back with some composure.

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(Breezy is watching Beaker intently right now - she really wants to chase that cat - the only reason she doesn't is because her typist will tell her "no" if she tries - plus she wants your thoughts on this whole Drew Barrymore thing)

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OK, you're back. Pretty darn outrageous huh!? She wishes she could look this good, and she is going to need more than drugs or "aging naturally" (whatever THAT means) to even look as good as my shadow!

Plus listen to that unladlylike language! So crass, it doesn't even deserve to be in the same paragraph as me!

For shame!

Weird Word Wednesday # 15

Hello blog readers. I decided to take over Weird Word Wednesday this week for Beaker because I am starting to feel a bit better after my operation. As some of you probably already know I went in to get "fixed" on Monday. Dad left me at the vet's which was scary, and then they knocked me out with gas. I woke up confused and sore and really sleepy. At the end of the day dad came and took me home but I was so tired he had to carry my inside and put me in my crate. I ate a little bit of food and then I just slept. I have a sore spot on my tummy and I can't run or play or anything. At least I get good snuggles.

Anyway, this week's word is "fixed". I don't know what needed to be fixed on me - nothing was broken. But I had to go to the vet's - dad said it was to avoid me having tumors later in life and also so I didn't have any puppies. Well I guess the vet said it looked like my insides once had puppies in them - I already knew this but dad and the vet were pretty clueless (the puppies were at my other home, the one that gave me up to my forever home). That's why I always whine when I hear squeakies, they sound like puppies to me. I hope my puppies all have good homes. I don't like to think about them because I don't know where they are, so I guess it is a good thing that I can't have any more. At least I am in a good home now even if they do take me to the vet sometimes.

I didn't need to be fixed, I wasn't broken. I think they should use another word for what they did. Either way it wasn't fun but I guess it had to be done and now it's over. But on the upside I get lots of treats and attention when dad comes home now. I will just try and let the past be in the past.

Weird Word Wednesday # 14

The dogs said we could have our blogging rights back if we agreed to pay homage to them with a few of our newest blogs. I agreed to be the first one since I am the most peaceful and creative cat.

So today's stupid human word is "catnap". The dogs felt that the word should actually be "dognap", or maybe even "bassetnap". It is more fitting since they are so good at napping and obviously better than cats.

There. Penance done. I need to go throw up now.

Weird Word Wednesday # 13

It's nice to finally be worshiped the way I deserve, without having to plan my sermons around dog schedules! This Whiskers of Fury thing has been wonderful. Now if we could figure out a way to give the dogs to a rescue shelter so we could rule the basement as well, our lives would be perfect.

Speaking of the dogs, they are our topic for this week's weird word. The word 'basset' is sort of a strange name for a dog - a basset is something you put a baby in, and a basset hound is a long droopy dog. Although they certainly act like big babies - whining and crying all the time, drooling all over themselves, wrecking things, taking up too much of our mama's time. So maybe the name is perfect.

If you read in the dictionary you will discover that the word basset is French for 'low'. While they certainly are low, I don't care what the French word for anything is. I make my own words for reality, and I just call them 'stupid dogs'.

Weird Word Wednesday # 12

We have yet another stupid human word to go over this week.

"Hoodwinked".

This is a word that has somehow survived centuries of human usage, despite the fact that it probably didn't make much sense when they first used it. It was used back in the 16th century, when people evidently wore hoods. Wink means eyes closed, of course, and it had something to do with thieves shoving a hood over their victim's heads before they robbed them. It also had something to do with falconry.

Anyway, this is basically a dumb word. Lots of humans hoodwink themselves these days. The word is used these days to mean that people get tricked or something.

If you buy something like this you have been hoodwinked.

Weird Word Wednesday # 11

Let me just start by saying that the last 5 days have been great - there have been no dogs or humans around. Sure, I missed the humans every once in awhile (like when I needed to be petted) but the tradeoff was worth it - no dogs.

They came home tonight. Sigh.

Anyway, the latest stupid phrase that has got my attention is 'sick and tired'. A person says they are 'sick and tired' when they really mean to say they are 'bored with' or 'have had enough of' something. However, true to human fashion, instead of just saying what they actually mean, they bury it in some half-accurate catchphrase. It's amazing any of them make it past childhood.

My Google efforts got me nothing on the term - in fact, it would appear that human musicians are not sick and tired of making songs about being sick and tired. Either way, I'm bored with this now, and I need to scout out a dog-free zone.

Weird Word Wednesday #10

The last few entries of Weird Word Wednesday have been delayed because people keep moving my furniture around. The dogs now live in the basement where I like to hang out, so it has made it difficult to focus on any activity other than glaring angrily from the few remaining out-of-slobber-reach places.

Anyway, this week's dumb human phrase is 'hot diggity'. People say 'hot diggity' when they want to sound especially stupid while trying to convey a sense of excitement. The word has no rooted real-world meaning - it was apparently gibberish that was made up one day by a guy named Al Jolson (see picture below). But then, what can you expect from a guy with such hits as 'There's a Rainbow Around My Shoulder', 'Ragging the Baby to Sleep', and 'Yaaka Hula Hickey Dula'?

Honestly, the human language is ridiculous.

Weird Word Wednesday #9

This week's dumb human phrase is the word 'nick', and its various uses that basically sound incorrect.

The first example I can think of is saying 'in the nick of time', as in, barely getting something done before it was too late. For example, 'Dad poured fresh cat food into my empty dish in the nick of time, because if he had waited a moment longer I would have been forced to kill him and do the job myself'.

That sort of thing.

Ok, so why does this 'nick' mean a small amount of time? According to my research, a nick was a unit of measure on a stick that was used to measure time. How this stick was used to measure time is beyond me. I don't bother with measuring time, except when I am waiting on my food or litter boxes to be tended. Anyway, a 'nick' of time sounds stupid, like something a human came up with.

The other use of the word 'nick' is when someone says 'I nicked myself while cutting up your food, Beaker, so I can't feed you this fresh chicken because I am bleeding'. To which I reply 'whatever you've got lots of blood and I don't have much chicken.' According to dictionary.com (human website), the word 'nick' can mean a small groove or cut on the surface. In my mind, the word is derived from a clumsy human who also owned a lot of knives and sharp tools.

Stupid humans.

Weird Word Wednesday #8

Finally back in action. Let's see, my blog has been stolen from me for the past two weeks, BOTH TIMES by whiny little boys. Nibbler was busy crying about his ample rump and dad was busy whining about how hard life is.

Get over it, boys. Your silliness has put me in a bad mood, and this is the sort of mood that makes me want to pick a really stupid entry for this week's weird word blog. The perfect sort of blog to take it back to where it ought to be - out of the hands of juveniles.

This week's stupid human catchphrase is 'the cat's out of the bag'.

Boy, where to even begin? Some cats like to go into bags, as they make interesting hiding places and are a decent challenge when it comes to feline spelunking. But the whole 'let the cat out' part implies that the cat needs help getting out. First of all, if we ever did need help we surely wouldn't admit to it. Second of all, we never need help in the first place.

Glad we've wrapped that up.

So this phrase must be used to mean that cats have been placed in bags by humans. Well, that sounds like some humans I know, so we'll go with it. This sort of cruelty to felines ought to be stopped dead in its tracks, if you ask me.

I found two historical versions of why a cat needed to be let out of the bag. The first one had to do with unscrupulous practices of people who went to the market a few hundred years ago. The idea there was that they were going to sell piglets at the market, but would try and cheat the system by putting cats in the bags where the piglets go.

Are you kidding me!? A cat going into a bag is bad enough, but one that pigs were in at some point!? I'd like to see someone try and put me in some smelly pig-bag! The only thing pigs are good for is bacon! Well, you can imagine how the stupid phrase of the week was inspired - cats rarely get put in bags involuntarily without making some noise, and they are most certainly not piglet-like.

The other historical version makes me feel a little better. Instead of rudely shoving cats into hog-bags, the phrase 'let the cat out of the bag' was used to mean when a captain of a ship would use what is called a 'cat o'nine tails' on his insubordinates. Basically, it's a whip that is used to make stupid people shut up.

I like the second version better.