Little brat

So I see Nibbler has decided to share details of my personal life with the world at large.

He is a little brat. Also a hypocrite. See the video below, and keep in mind that he needs to have these baths regularly because he is too fat to bathe himself.

The dogs are trapped again

As some of my cat cohorts have complained, the dogs can sometimes be pests. Nibbler sort of blows it out of proportion though - they really aren't that bad, once you get used to them. He's just a big wuss who runs from them. And of course as soon as you run it's over.

But sometimes they are a bit much. We used to live in a place where the gates they put up fit perfectly in the door, and we could escape them and taunt them from the other side without worrying. Not so with this new place. Now don't get me wrong, I like this place better, but the gate issue was a problem for the last three months.

Not anymore! There's a new gate and it was designed with cat escape in mind! It fits snugly in the doorframe, and there is a spot on the bottom that lets cats get through it when they have to avoid unchecked dog aggression. Kinda nice. This will help cats with ample derrières (Nibbler) get around as well, because he was having trouble getting over the gates.

The only downside is it also has a door for people. It makes it easier for them to get through the gate (despite being huge and having long legs they are surprisingly poor jumpers and fall on their behinds all the time). I used to secretly enjoy watching dad trip over the old gates.

She knows my name

The other night when I came upstairs to get some mama time, I realized a horrifying thing. dog2 knows my name. She knows my name. Mama said "Nibs" like she used to when I came in the room, and dog2 got up from her sleeping spot to stare at me. Of course I narrowly escaped with my life. Now I don't feel safe anywhere.

Sweet, sweet victory.

I was just thinking the other day how dogs 1 and 2 need to be knocked down a few notches, when fate delivers me the sweetest of surprises: a cone of shame. A few of us cats have had to wear one in the past - they tried with me when my foot was operated on (THREE TIMES, WHAT IS THE VETERINARY PROFESSION COMING TO THESE DAYS!!!???), but that didn't fly. I haven't seen dogs 1 or 2 wearing one yet - and then my nemesis, dog2, was taken to the vet. Monday, this was. I hoped she wouldn't come back, but she did. However, the next day, she was gone at the vet's all day, and when she came home she was wearing the cone of shame.

Sweet, sweet victory.

Disgusted and sickened

My life was once perfect. I had the house to myself - the bed, couch, arm chair, floor, toilet lid, spare bed, desk, and anything else I could reach were mine. All I had to do was knock one of the other cats off the spot I wanted. I got moist cat food (Ocean White Fish and Tuna, you had better believe they figured that out when I turned my regal head away from any other garbage they tried to serve me) all the time, I got cat nip regularly, and I got to play with my toys wherever and whenever I wanted. I didn't have to run the gauntlet between a stupid baby gate and the basement - there were no "dog-free" zones because there were no "dogs".

I was a happy cat.

Then came dog 1. I call him dog 1 because I do not feel he is worth dignifying by the name Mama gave him, the one that she says with love and affection like she says my name. In fact, I'm not entirely comfortable calling dog 1 a "him". Gender implies some level of being, and being implies some inalienable right to existence without persecution. If I weren't so much smaller and stumpy-footed than dogs 1 and 2 I would persecute with extreme violence.

dog 1 (see? He doesn't even deserve uppercasing) got ALL the attention for awhile. Away went the moist food - dog 1 will eat ANYTHING (seriously. He eats kleenex if they aren't watching him. He even tries to eat my cat poop out of the litter box. How stupid can you be?). He eats my toy mousies. He even pooped a dead toy mousie once. Mama got mad but that doesn't stop him.

So dog 1 moves in and up go the baby gates, away goes the moist food, and my Mama time decreases dramatically. It was a hard transition, but I eventually got used to it. dog 1 and I came to a tense cease-fire. I felt I could come out in the not-dog-free zone without fearing for my life. He was too little to get me on the couch for awhile, but things changed again. Regardless, I put what was beneath me beneath me.

Then came dog 2. dog 2 is worse than dog 1. dog 2 chases me - CHASES me. She isn't afraid of my hisses and swats. She wants to kill me. The only reason she can't is because she is bigger and slower than dog 1. I hate her. I haven't had moist cat food in a long time. My mousies might as well not exist. My only Mama time is at bedtime now, but now that there are 2 dogs they have to sleep on the floor on Mama's side of the bed, and they pop up like sharks every so often and try to eat me. They are big enough to jump on the bed and couch now so nowhere is safe. I live in the basement, where my glamorous body gets basement dirt all over it and so *sob* bathtime comes more often now.

Then I find this online.



SICK SICK SICK SICK

Excuse me I have a hairball or two I need to deposit.

First post

Welcome to Jowls of Fury!  This is the first post in what will be a long, periodocally updated online journal about my life with my dogs, cats, and wife.  Right now the plan is to post once a week, or approximately whenever the heck I can squeeze it into my busy schedule.

The first thing to do is introduce the recurring members of this blog.  They are, in no particular order:

Daddy

What a party animal!

This is me, the usual author of this blog.  I'm a 30-something guy with lots of animals.  I'm finishing up school right now (studying zoology), I really like the outdoors and photography, and I probably should've been a humor columnist.  I am the guy in charge of all the domestic stuff around the house, including feeding hounds and cats and scooping poop from litter boxes or backyards.

 Mama  



Mama with her new friend


This is Mama, the matriarch of the pack.  The hounds and
cats constantly vie for her lap, usually peeling out on Daddy's lap in the process.  At the moment she earns all the bacon, something Daddy hopes to change in the near future.  Mama is very crafty and knows about all sorts of things that Daddy would otherwise screw up royally if left to his own devices.  She is also the resident butterfly ninja.



  Oliver

I'm out of food.

Oliver is the resident wild cat.  He came from a farm where Daddy was doing field work in 2004 and is the first rescue Mama and Daddy took in together.  His cat senses were tingling the moment Daddy set foot in front of his farmhouse, sensing a sucker in the vicinity.  Within a few weeks he had a cushy new home and two other cat siblings to play with.  Oliver is a lot of fun but has recently taken to yowling very loudly every few minutes, which has caused more than a few pillows to be thrown in his direction.  He also doesn't travel in cars very well... more on that later.

Beaker

This new cat bed is great!

Beaker is our part-siamese cat.  Being the only female cat in the house, her personality is no doubt influenced by an overabundance of testosterone.  She often gets on people's nerves but is basically a sweet cat, if not a bit vocal.  Beaker and her brother Bunsen were two rescue cats that Mama had before she met, and foolishly married, Daddy.

 Korbin

Hey can I go outside?

Korbin, aka Korbinator, is our most recent rescue cat.  He is part/all Maine Coon, and he had a brother named Buddy who was also a long-haired cat, but had a tabby coloration.  Unfortunately we already had a ton of cats and one more would've been too much.  Korbin is a really sweet cat and he loves attention.  He's the only one left with front claws, but he hardly ever uses them (except during bath time!).

Layla

Shhh....  beauty rest.

Layla, aka Pretty Girl, is our first rescue dog.  She is all basset and all diva.  Supposedly she lived outside for most of her life before we adopted her, but if that is the case there is an innate genetic component in bassets that allows for maximization of couch sleeping potential, because she was in the house for about five minutes before she took her place on the long throne next to Mama.  She and Rosco love each other to bits, and the volume has only gone up since she got here.

 Bunsen

This is a weird cat bed...

Bunsen, aka Mr. B, is the resident love master.  Almost every cat has been the target of his, um, affection, usually with the same end results.  Car rides seem to bring this out in him a bit more, possibly because his victims have been drugged.  Despite these predatory habits, Mr. B is a good cat who loves to meet and greet new people into the house.  He also has taken to pawing at the covers when Daddy is under them to be let in so he can sleep next to somebody warm.

 Nibbler

I am not pleased with you.

Nibbler, aka Nibs or Mr. Nibs, is another rescue cat.  Hailing from Louisiana, he has a misshappen back left foot that he absolutely hates you to touch.  Nibs is otherwise very loving and affectionate, especially towards Mama.  Lately he has taken to cheating on her with anyone who happens to stay over in our spare bedroom, probably because the dogs sleep in his room.  Nibs hates the dogs with a passion, especially Layla.  He is also the only cat in our house who will fetch, with shakey mousies or rattley balls being his favorite toys.  Unfortunately, the presence of the dogs has greatly decreased his presence.
Rosco

I love you man.

Rosco, aka Puppyman, is my first dog.  Although not a rescue, he is the best pup anyone could ask for.  Outgoing and personable, he is still very much a puppy and loves to run and play.  Rosco knows many tricks and loves to be cuddled and loved on.  He and Layla are the resident bunny and squirrel chasers.







So, those are the usual suspects.  There are some others who will make appearances later on in the blog (like puppy cousins and cat cousins), as well as some memorial blog posts for pets who have moved on (like Spanky, Whittie, and probably some others I've forgotten).  But since it's already been an hour I think I'm going to end it here.  Stay tuned for more!