Blasphemy! (And other things)

Greetings Loyal Followers!

I know that it has been a very long time since we have had a posting and I fully blame this thing for it.

Don't let that smile fool you!

Since his appearance into our world, the secretarial staff of JoF has been extremely lax in their duties.

There have been many changes in our world recently.  In addition to the shrieking human child, we also moved!  One day in late July boxes started appearing and our stuff started disappearing.  Then a few weeks later Grandma and Grandpa came to visit and a big truck showed up.  That's when Mama and Daddy told us we were moving to Michigan.  (For me, Bunsen, and Beaker it was back to our home state but it's a new home for Rosco, Breezy and the rest of the crew). After a few months of living with our extended families, we moved into a new house.  Boy is this house great!  It has a new yard full of interesting smells.  Best of all it has SQUIRRELS!!!

Sadly after moving into our new house, Mr Nibbler became very ill.  Mama said he has something called infectious hemolytic anemia.  Unfortunately, it wasn't caught until it was too late because Nibbler hid in the basement of the new house.  Momma said it was too much for Nibbler to fight off even with the vet's help and he went to the Rainbow Bridge to be with Mr. Beau.

RIP Mr Nibbs

Now that you've had an update on our lives, I want to address a very egregious video of me circulating on Facebook. This video implies that I, Layla Jane Pretty Girl Basset Extraordinaire World Traveler, am lazy.  BLASPHEMY! HERESY!  LIES! ALL LIES!

I want to assure all our loyal readers that we are indeed hardworking hounds.  For instance, I am personally teaching the human screeching thing the art of dog massage.  Mama and Daddy don't seem overly concerned about this being's lack of employable skills.  I will soon have him trained so that he may contribute to the biscuit and kibble fund.

"A little to the left!"

We also take our roles as protectors of our domain very seriously.  Deadly squirrels run rampant around our new home and we must run them off daily.

"And don't you come back!"

 Finally the most important job we have is dual purpose.  Here we are demonstrating our ability to multitask by holding the couch in place and keeping the cushions warm.  God only knows where the couch would disappear to if we didn't hold it down!  I mean those things are known to run off at a moments notice.  We also use this time to keep the cushions warm so that Mama and Daddy will be more willing to relieve us of our couch sitting duties, that way we can refuel ourselves with kibble.

Keeping the couch captive is exhausting work!

So in conclusion, we hounds work extremely hard.  Don't believe the lies the internet tells you!

Just not fair

We don't get played with as much anymore.  That dumb baby gets all the attention.  And I don't get to lick his dirty feet.  I also get told not to sniff his butt.  Well I can't help it that is where the most interesting smells are!  Plus he gets all kinds of cool toys.

I wish I could play in that but noooo

Mama says he will grow up and want to play and snuggle with us.  I guess that will be OK, that is the only reason I am letting him stick around.  I can always use a new snuggle buddy.

An update

It has been so long since I posted to Jowls of Fury, I had nearly forgotten about it.  Hard to believe!  Me!  The hound who lived for this blog!  Well, my life has been very hectic since our last post.  I've had a lot on my hound mind.

First off, we were all very sad back in February.  Mr. Beau passed away, he had gotten very ill right after his last post and didn't want to worry anyone.  Daddy was out of town and when he returned he took Beau to the dog park one last time - we didn't get to go, but it was OK, because Beau deserved to have that one time to himself - and then he took him to the vet.  That's where Beau went to what they call the Rainbow Bridge.  I myself don't like to think about it.  Breezy took it kind of hard too, she hasn't slept well since.

RIP Mr. Beau

But life goes on.  Mr. Beau was a nice older gentlehound and he taught me a lot.  It was later in February that we got a ton, and I mean a TON, of snow.  It was higher than our heads!  Daddy cleared a path in the snow for us but it was still not very convenient to go outside and do our business.

Next time, make the path WIDER.  Bassets experience road rage.

Mama and Daddy bought a new houndmobile, we were very happy to see it had a TON of room to sprawl out.  That way we didn't have to hit each other in the legs while we slept.  But the windows are higher so it is difficult to look at the world going by.  Tradeoffs.

So much leg roooooooooooooooooooooom

We went to both our grandma's houses later in the year.  I always enjoy grandma's, because I get to see Max and Maggie.  It was about that time I noticed mama's tummy was getting bigger.  At first I thought she was just eating more food but she got really sensitive about me jumping on it.  Plus the visits to grandma's houses ended when we came home with a ton of stuff, and none of it for hounds.  Well, late one night Mama and Daddy disappeared.  They didn't come home at all that night.  I was very worried.  One of their friends came over to let us out and then put us in our crates.  Daddy came home the next morning to let us out and feed us...  and he smelled...  funny.  This went on for two days, then Mama came home.  Her belly had shrunk!  We assumed she went and saw the doctor about it and got fixed up.  But for the next month or so they left us alone a LOT.  Neither of them were working either!  And the both had that funny smell, I couldn't figure out what it was.

Well.  One day they brought home a new baby.  So that explains that.

You can see how happy we were

The new baby got all the attention.  We weren't allowed to lick him.  He takes up Mama's lap ALWAYS.  And he makes more noise than we do sometimes.  It has gotten a little better and Mama and Daddy are paying some more attention to us.  I guess it just took them a little while to get used to the baby.  He wakes them up every night to eat!  All he does it eat and poop and scream.  Like a stupid cat.

Yes we were all very happy to have this come to our house

So that pretty much brings you all up to date on what is happening at the Jowls of Fury household.  There are a few more things but I am going to let someone else talk about it.

A whole year

It is hard to believe but it has been an entire year since I joined the Jowls of Fury 'clan'.  It was a year ago today that I finished my long trek from North Carolina, where I had lived my whole hound life, to a cold, blustery place called Missouri.  It was a hard time for me - my former owner had passed away, and then the people who took me in after that decided they didn't want me and made me live outside for the most part - and then some ladies I didn't know picked me up and drove me across the country.  I was confused, and there was another dog with them - but I finally made it to Missouri.  That first night was a bit of a whirlwind - I met all the new hounds - and I had to get used to my new home.

Where am I?

But it turned out to be a pretty great place to live.  Sure, the new hounds were all pretty jealous of the one-on-one time I got with my new family, but they eventually got over it.  I got to meet all the new grandparents and puppy cousins and cats.  My new house let me sleep inside and I got to lay on the couch (I even got a sweet little ramp to let me crawl up there whenever I wanted to).  I got to eat all kinds of treats and people food and I got all kinds of attention.  I even got some surgery to take away most of the big tumors on me, which made it a lot easier to visit the dog park (a place that I love).

This calls for a celebration!

Over the last year I made a lot of new friends.  I would not have been able to get the surgery or get to be part of Jowls of Fury clan without the help of some great people at Cyberhound.  Now I wait for my mom and dad to come home so I can bark at them to make me some food.

Sheesh what does an old hound have to do to get some food around here?

It's good to have a nice home, and I'm glad I made it to Missouri.  An old hound gets to live out his years at his leisure, taking his time to enjoy the finer things in life, like eating and sleeping.  I miss North Carolina sometimes but Missouri is pretty good too.  Plus I get to visit places like Ohio and Michigan so there is some variety (it is the spice of life you know).

This was me in NC

This is me in MO

Thanks for reading my blog!  Here's to another great year!

Help me win stuff

First off, there will be NO photos of me in this blog post.  I am not feeling as well as I used to.  They have used some sort of plug-in drug thing to make me feel more relaxed, because they thought I had quit eating due to stress from the dogs.  Well of COURSE I am stressed!

Anyway - to keep things short - I want to win this thing they are giving away at http://petmoz.com/.  So I have linked it here, now keep your paws crossed for me!

The $125 fart

The other night Beau was acting sick.  He gets the lickies like Layla does sometimes.  Haven't heard of them before?  Well the lickies are when Layla gets a gas bubble in her tummy and walks around the house eating dirt and crud until she makes herself throw up.  Me, when I get a gas bubble, I stretch myself out until things work themselves out.  Usually I can do this without bothering anybody but sometimes I can't hide the fact.

What?  What sound?  I didn't hear anything

Well the rest of the dogs in the house are not so subtle.  Layla can't stretch as easily as me because she is so chunky, so she gets the lickies.  Breezy likes to pretend like she isn't gassy but she isn't fooling anyone.  And Beau is just too old to care.  But more often than not his lickies turn into worse tummy trouble because he breathes so hard that he sucks in a lot of air.  If he were to fart it all out at once it would probably blow the house up.  As it is he farts a lot and barks and coughs all at the same time.  It is not very endearing and he stinks the place up. So the other night when he started wheezing and his tummy was gurgling I thought 'Oh great here we go again'.  But instead he kept getting worse and worse until mama and daddy took him to the emergency vet.

I've been a lucky hound so far in life, I have only had to go to the regular vet.  The emergency vet sounds much worse.  We didn't get to ride along so I don't know what sort of torture they put Beau through.  But he came home good as new.  Daddy and mama were complaining that he just farted when they got there and it cost us $125.  I'm not sure if that is just a story they told to keep the rest of us quiet or if Beau really did just have such expensive gas.  But all I can think is how many treats $125 would've bought...  and it all went up in smoke...  sort of.

I think he just farted again

Outrageous!

Why do basset hounds need to be the official mascot for this ridiculous product?  And why does it say 'large' on it?  

It's an outrage!

My recent visit to grandma's house

I guess I will write about Thanksgiving, since all the other hounds are too busy sleeping to do any real blogging.  It is a shame that an old hound like me has to take the time to do the work that younger hounds should be doing.  It wasn't like this in my day.

We went to grandma's house for Thanksgiving and got to see the family.  I was happy to see everyone again, but I did not care for the long car ride.  Breezy is always a bit of a drama queen and makes a big fuss if anyone bumps into her.  She needs to get over herself.

Drama queen

There is all kinds of wildlife at Grandma's, both inside and out.  There are lots of cats and dogs there, and most of them are polite enough to leave me alone.  Grandpa builds me my own personal ramp when I'm there.  I like it, but it is a bit of a challenge to go down due to how slippery it can be.  It is even worse in the snow.  And we did get a little snow, and all the dogs had fun in it.  I'm not much of a snow hound being a dignified southern basset gentleman.  We didn't get that much snow where I'm from.

Layla is built for this stuff

Of course the other hounds all went ballistic and ran all over the place.

Rosco has lost his potential dignified basset status because of this picture

Layla and Breezy behaving very unlady-hound-like

This is how a dignified hound does it

We all had a good time, but we eventually had to go back home.  But we will see grandma's family again before too long.

Son of the Christmas Pig Monster

I had not realized it was Christmas time again.  Normally you get a warning like snow or cold weather but it has been pretty warm and there has been no snow.  Daddy killed a deer and has killed some ducks so we know it was fall, but I mean we were at the dog park only a few weeks ago!  But Christmas time means Christmas Pig Monster time.  I was really happy last year because the duct tape job that mama and daddy did to patch him up did not hold up so well and they had to throw him away.  Life seemed to be much safer. But then they started dragging out Christmas time stuff, and like any safety-minded hound, I got a little concerned.  You just never know.

 What are you putting up this year?  It isn't...  pig-related, is it?

Well, I am sorry to report that they bought ANOTHER Christmas Pig Monster.  I call him 'Son of the Christmas Pig Monster'.  He is just as evil and stupid as his evil and stupid father.  They put him out there this morning.

Damn it

I was not a happy hound.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The horror

Layla Jane Basset Hound Extraordinaire, World Traveler

This summer hasn't been very hound friendly.  First it started with Daddy trying to plant grass in the backyard and we couldn't run and play.  Then it became VERY hot and we couldn't go to the dog park. All of Daddy's grass dried up and it's didn't rain for a very long time. 

This is the perfect patch of dirt for me to work on my tan.

 However, yesterday someone called Isaac showed up and started spitting stuff out of the sky.  Now don't get me wrong, this girl loves to swim but I don't like stuff spitting on me from the sky.  I think it's rude.

What's worse is that Mama MADE us go out in it to go potty.  I know!  She has some nerve! Well I decided to teach her. Mama accidently left the side gate open and I though since she made me go out, I was going to explore.  I had a grand time smelling all the new smells and wandering the neighborhood.  That was until the lady that lives behind us tattled on me.  Mama was so upset that I wandered off that she marched me back home.  

                                      

I made sure she toweled me off properly to give me that tousled, wind blown basset look. 

                                      

Ok, Mama.  That's enough fussing for now. I need my beauty sleep!

Just too tired!

We are officially just too tired to post.  It was a long day filled with great grandma's house, chasing kitties and car rides.  We shall return after some much needed beauty rest.

Rosco Puppyman, B.D.

 So this past weekend, Mama was sick again.  It seems like she is never well. It's always something with her. I have decided that, in addition to my HOSA dog duties, I have decided I will become Rosco Puppyman, Basset Doctor.  I hold a firm belief that any aliment Mama has can be cured by me.

Rosco Puppyman, B.D. here to cure what ails you

So I carefully crawled unto Mama's sick bed.

                                               

Do you feel better now that I'm here, Mama?

                                               

How about now?

No?  Let me get closer so I can work my basset side manner.

                                               

 How's that? Feel better now?

How about now?

Now?

                                               

Let Nurse Bunsen check my technique

Here rub my cheeks and chest. That will surely make you feel better.

 In the end, Mama said my basset side manner did not make her cold go away (and she said I was squishing her).  I think Mama isn't curable. It's time to send her to Dr. House from T.V.. He can fix everything!

Aliens!

Recently the cat has been allowed outside the house.  I find this to be terribly unfair.  He gets to poop in litter boxes and probably gets to roll in it too.  If I so much as look in the direction of the litter boxes when we go through the mud room on our way outside, I get hollered at and my basset derriere gets a gentle nudge from daddy's boot.  He also gets to poop outside.  I am only allowed to poop outside.  And he is such a fast little twerp!  I try to chase him and keep him from getting away but he can squeeze through small spaces because he is a cat, and cats are all little and weak and stupid.

But that is not the point of this blog.  Today we saw aliens!  They were up on the hill, where we are not allowed to go.  And they are weird-looking aliens too, not the big-headed kind.  These aliens walked on four feet and one of them had horns on its head.  I watched them at first and then when I saw them move towards the house I started barking like crazy to make sure mama and daddy could come out and fight them.  Or maybe sacrifice a cat or two in hopes they (the aliens) would go away (and take the cats with them).

Well daddy eventually came out, and here is what happened...

So I think daddy has been brainwashed by the aliens.  Who calls aliens 'dear'?  They have come to eat our brains or something they are not dears!  And obviously they are worth points but I think a weird alien with horns is worth more than 4 points!  I will have to watch him closely to make sure he doesn't try and make me into an alien hound slave.

Funny Photo Friday

So my new Mama thinks it's funny to take pictures of me when I least expect it.  Here is her latest snap shot of me.  As you can tell, I look less than thrilled.  All I was really doing was licking my chops.

"I'm one bad azz Beau Dog. Now excuse me while I go take a nap."

She thinks this is a funny caption.  I, however, don't feel that it lives up to my Dignified Southern Basset Gentleman status.  What am I going to do with this woman?

The worst part about summer is the flies

Summer is not very much fun when you get right down to it.  Yes it is warmer and you don't have to worry about several feet of snow, and yes the dog park is easier to get to, and yes there are things like hamburger cookouts and visits to grandma's houses.  But there are bad parts too.  It gets really hot sometimes, and we can't go to the dog park as much when it gets really hot because Beau is old and daddy is lazy.  We don't even get to stay out in the yard very much.  And hamburger cookouts are more fun for people than for hounds because we don't get to eat as much as we would like.

But the worst part about summer is the flies.  They are stupid little bugs that fly into the house when the door opens and they land on your food and buzz against the window.  I would really like to eat them but they are too fast to catch usually.  And there are tons of them out there!  I don't know if they breed better in the heat or what but every time you go out they buzz around your head to remind you they are still there.

I hate you guys

But flies outside are nothing compared to flies inside.  Inside they draw the attention of mama and daddy, and they try to kill them.  They are faster than I am but they use a rolled up newspaper to squash them.  Rolled up newspapers are also used on bad dogs.  I wasn't a bad dog but they got used on me before I came to live with mama and daddy, and it reminds me of life before them.  I don't like those reminders.  It makes me shake and worry that I am going to get swatted instead of the flies.  I know they aren't going to swat me - at least I hope they don't (sometimes I get my rump swatted when I am being stubborn but it is not mean and they just use their hands instead of a rolled up newspaper) - but still it just makes me scared.  So, I am hoping the flies all go away soon.

No thanks

We apologize for the blogging delay

It has been a long time since we blogged!  Like months!  So much has happened!  We feel bad about keeping our audience under suspense, but we have been doing important work!

These couches don't get slept on by themselves

But the biggest news lately has been the heat.  The heat is ridiculous!  It's so hot that we need to take extra naps.  We used to go to the dog park (our favorite place in the world besides Grandma's and the ice cream store and the pet store) all the time, but since it has been so hot we can't go because Beau has a hard time breathing.

We're glad we don't live with you too, random rude lady

We did go visit Grandma again this year, so Beau could meet her.  Let me just say that the car is way too crowded with 4 hounds on a 10-hour trip.  They either need to get us a bigger car or leave the cats behind.  I like the second idea better.  We also had to stay out of the yard for a long time for grass to grow, but then it got so hot all the grass died so it didn't matter anyway.  We have been getting lots of visits from our friend Anita lately because daddy and mama are both working now and they can't always come home to let us out of our crates.

There's more news than that but this heat has already worn my blogging basset self out.  But never fear we will be updating Jowls of Fury way more often now, trust us!

We have not dropped off the face of the Earth

The secretarial staff of Jowls of Fury has just been really busy - preparing and editing manuscripts, trying to get a garden to grow, and catching up with all the work that we have been neglecting.  We promise to try and blog more!

We're Back!

And we're back! I must apologize for our long blogging absence from JoF. First Mama was sick. Then Daddy got sick, so the basset nursing brigade was in full effect. Let me tell you taking care of sick parents is hard, hard work. So much so that we had to abstain from all our normal basset activities such as napping and blogging to take care of the sickies. Thankfully they are all better now.

As a reward for all our hard work, Mama and Daddy gave us a really nice reward: a BIG new couch to lay on. It's so big that all of us can lay on the couch and still have room for Mama and Daddy (and even a couple cats)

3 out of 4 hounds approve!

Breezy was off in the other room preparing her dog fort. At this time, I'm not at liberty to discuss the top secret mission she may be on.

This is DOG FORT!

Stupid TV Commercial # 43

We have another Easter entry in our stupid TV commercial category.  We have already commented on the fact that rabbits do not make chicken noises.  Well it appears that another confectionary CEO does not understand rabbit biology.  The good folks at Reese's put out an ad where a chocolate rabbit (which isn't even ALIVE) and a jar of peanut butter (which isn't even the FACSIMILE OF A LIVING CREATURE) 'get it on' to create the offspring of their sugary union - a chocolate egg.  A CHOCOLATE EGG.  Neither of those two 'parents' have anything to do with eggs.  What is the matter with commercials these days?

Stupid vacuum cleaner

So the other day mama got into one of her clean freakout modes. These happen every so often and when they do watch out. Nothing is safe, especially beautiful full-figured lady hounds who might happen to be a bit dirty because they don't live the pampered lifestyle of little foo-foo dogs.

To put it mildly we got baths. I was not very happy about this. Then she wanted to vacuum, at which point I knew she was really trying to get under my skin. I don't like vacuums. Well I was not sad to see the old vacuum finally break. Mama said a few choice words and made daddy throw it away.

This is a good place for vacuums

Well she wasted no time going out and getting a new one. I really wanted to go roll in the yard for that but daddy has been trying to grow grass and for some reason he won't let us out there, now we have to do our business in the front yard in a tiny little fenced in area. All the neighbor dogs can see us too, including the new dog across the street who is very yappy.

Beau is too old to understand why we hate the vacuum so much

Worst of all this vacuum is really good at picking up fur, so it makes it even harder for us to keep a thick sheet of hound fur on all the furniture and rugs. We try and do our best but it just isn't enough. Watch the video below and you will see what we have to put up with.

Urg

See now we will have to start all over again from square one. I let Rosco take the first crack at it, I really need a good long while to get all riled up and do my rolling and growling.

Take it away, Rosco