Mama's home!

One of my favorite parts of the day is when mama or dad comes home. We get very excited and run around the house barking to welcome them home. Yesterday dad came home first and got us out of our crates. Being let out of the crate is nice but it's better when we are already out and someone comes home - that way we can really get good and excited. Here's a video of mama coming home yesterday!

Famous Basset Hound Friday #9

This week's famous hound is a clever old gal named Doris. Doris comes from the TV show The Middle, where she is owned by 2 old ladies who smoked a lot. This led to Doris' needing to use an oxygen mask and be pulled around in a wagon all the time.

The oxygen mask part sounds kind of annoying but the wagon part might not be so bad. Just put a bed in it and it might actually be kind of nice, not having to wear yourself out walking all over the place. There were some hounds at the GABR waddle we went to last year that did this, but mom and dad made us walk the whole way. It wasn't so bad though, there were lots of kids with water and treats and they would pet us as we waddled, so I can't complain.

Besides, Doris actually makes the best of her wagon by teaching her boy how to fetch.

Her boy doesn't do a good job watching her though; she ends up being left outside and somehow she becomes pregnant and has puppies at the end. How that works with her being in the wagon I'm not sure; like I said in an earlier post, dad won't let me try some of the mounting stuff with Breezy.

Anyway, Doris is our famous basset hound for the week!

Weird Word Wednesday #6: Korbin can kiss my 'big butt'

This week's weird word should actually be called this week's STUPID WORD WHO HAPPENS TO BE A STUPID STUPID STUPIDHEAD CAT.

His name is Korbin. You may be familiar with the rivalry that Korbin and I share; he has his opinions on things and I have the truth. His most recent diatribe went from being his usual ranting about pointless stuff and stupid opinions to directly attacking my form and figure as a cat.

First of all, I can't help the fact that I am a larger-figured cat than the rest of the lightweights in this house. It comes with having cat disabilities like a disfigured foot that was maimed by quack veterinarians three different times. If we cats could file for medical malpractice the idiots at Texas McVet's 'R Us would know my wrath.

Second, Korbin is a hippy cat who can't figure out if he wants long or short hair. He also has a really effeminate meow and sounds like a little girl most of the time. Plus he needs to have his butt shaved regularly or he walks around with half a litter box stuck to his behind. I personally would rather have a 'big butt' than a 'Korbin butt'.

So there. Next time think twice before taking on your obviously superior older brother.

Nibbler has a big butt

The weather around here has been a lot nicer lately. For a long time it was pretty cold, and there was loads of snow and ice in the yard. We finally moved into a place where we can see out the windows and what do we get? Two months of ice and snow. Not much to look at, and hardly any birds or squirrels in sight.

That all changed recently. Once the weather started to warm up they opened the windows and the drapes so we could look out the glass doors. I'm loving those things. All of us can line up and see out it, no more crowding or head crawling or anything else when a cool little bird pops in. The last thing you want to see when a cool little bird pops in is Nibbler's butt in your face. Although if he is even in the room at all it's tough not to notice it.

These windows are definitely suboptimal, dude

We don't have our bird feeders up yet so they don't come right up to the window like they used to (see below for my favorite feeder setup), but I can still hear them chirping away out in the neighborhood. I'd like them to get close enough to see, or even reach out and grab. The place up in Michigan with all the dogs and cats has a great porch that is screened in, it's practically like living outside. I'll bet I could catch a bird if I lived outside like Joey, but of course he is such a big jerk that he makes living outside seem like a bad thing.

Either way, I'm glad warmer weather has come along.

Lucky squirrel, if this glass wasn't here I would own you

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday #9

This week's stupid TV commercial comes to us from Traveler's Insurance. Mom and dad inform me that they have previously provided our renter's insurance, and that if our stuff was ever stolen, damaged, or lost in a fire or something, that they would be the ones to write the check to go out and buy new cat condos and water dishes and blankets to nap on. I must say we never had to use their services, and so I feel no regret at making fun of their dumb advertising attempt.

First of all, the idea that rabbits laugh like this is kind of dumb. They sound like Smurfs. Second, I'm pretty sure that some of the nature shows we watch on TV inform us that the dangerous part of the rattlesnake is, in fact, NOT the tail. The fangs are where the venom comes from - if I were this snake I would be sinking those babies into all the rabbits that were paralyzed with laughter and having a rabbit feast. Instead, Mr. Baby-Rattle-Instead-Of-A-Tail rattlesnake hides in his coils in shame. Probably not a realistic sequence of events. Where would a rattlesnake even get the baby rattle to begin with?

Famous Basset Hound Friday #8

My mom just got home and let me tell you, it was a howl-a-thon! Whenever she comes home we jump up on the couch to watch and make sure she makes it safely from the driveway to the front door (it can be dangerous). Then we go charging down the stairs to let her know how much we still love her by jumping on her. We really try and emphasize the point by howling as loud as we can. I know that's how I'd want to be welcomed home!

Anyway, it's Friday again, and you know what that means! We celebrate the greatest day of the week by honoring the greatest kind of dog: basset hounds! This week's famous hound is named Penny. Penny may or may not have been a real hound, but she is the subject of what will no doubt win the Pulitzer Prize for Awesome Books. The book she is in is called Penny: The Story of a Free-Soul Basset Hound, by Hal Borland.

In this book a tremendously lucky family gets adopted by Penny. They thank her for this by giving her lots of cereal and milk (something I'd like to try some day) and letting her run around on their mountain. Apparently there are lots of bunnies on the mountain and she gets to run around outside all day and come and go when she pleases. Sounds like the life! The only downside is she has to sleep outside in a separate building. I guess this is fine for a free-soul basset hound who roams a mountain, but I find I am partial to sleeping in dad's spot on the bed. Sometimes when he gets up in the night to go to the bathroom (they get to go indoors in the warmth!) I jump up on the bed and keep his spot warm for him. If I'm lucky he just pushes me over a little bit when he comes back and we snuggle and then fall asleep together. If not he makes me get down and sleep with Layla and Breezy. Either way I think it is better than sleeping in some little shack.

I haven't finished the book yet but it is interesting so far. Without giving too much away, Penny actually has two families and part of the story is how she decides which one to live with. She is also a good guardian dog and protects her people from teenagers in cars with loud stereos.

So that is your famous hound for the week!

The howling guardian

Well I have been living here for over a week now so I guess this is my new home. I am still getting used to it, but I am starting to like it here. I hardly remember my old house very much. This place is pretty nice too. You get lots of treats here if you are willing to 'sit' or 'go to your crate' for them. The 'shake' one is still a little confusing, but Rosco and Layla seem to have it down.

Speaking of Rosco and Layla, we still are not the best of friends (I get the feeling that they are best friends and I am still kind of the outsider), but we are playing together sometimes. One of the games we play is toy keep-away. It goes like this: we get one of our toys out of the basket (my favorite toy is the squeaky sheep) and run through the house with it, while our parents (that still feels a little weird) chase us and try to take the toy away. It's loads of fun! Rosco and I fight sometimes, but I mostly try and defend dad from Rosco (he bites really hard and I'm sure it hurts, but I howl and guard my dad). Layla and I haven't played too much but she isn't quite so mean to me anymore. Hopefully we will become good friends. I have also been snuggling with Rosco from time to time when we nap, but usually he and Layla lay together and I take the armchair.

Another nice thing about this house is all the soft stuff to lay on. There are couches and beds and dog beds everywhere, and this really nice blanket that is super-fluffy. It really helps me with my naps.

Weird Word Wednesday #5

It's been awhile since I posted a blog about the woeful inadequacies of the human language. Some of you may have been wondering, 'When will Beaker post another insightful and scathing review of some silly thing people say?'

So sue me. They got another dog and I didn't feel much like typing.

This week's dumb human phrase is 'shindig'. Humans use this phrase when they are trying to say 'We are having a party or a get-together'. I have mostly heard this particularly stupid way of saying that coming from the mouths of teenagers and college-age humans, who I would not miss at all if they should suddenly die in their sleep tonight. According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary (and since this is an institution run by - you guessed it - humans - their expertise is questionable at best), the word 'shindig' is probably an altered form of the word 'shindy'. Well, that was pretty helpful.

Thanks, idiots at Merriam-Webster.

Either way, we have yet again established that human beings are incapable of clear and concise speech. Their only real utility is in cleaning litter boxes, getting out the catnip, and purchasing and distributing cat food and water, and even at those tasks they are largely inadequate.

Stupid TV Commercial Sunday #8

I don't even know where to begin. This week's stupid commercial is stupid because it makes fun of cats. The good folks at Pedigree aren't doing much to help out cat-dog relations. I want to try and honor the recent truce worked out at our peace meeting but this sort of blatant disregard for cat feelings and proteinaceous needs makes it pretty difficult.

Besides, we're not the ones who drool all the time.

Been awhile

The new dog and I have become friends. She's really not so bad. Nibbler makes a big deal out of it because he's afraid of the dogs, but I have discovered a secret. She is just the right height to walk under and have her head rub along your back, so she can pet you. The other two are a little short for that, but they are still fun to swat at when they come near.

My life has been up and down lately. The ups have mostly won out over the downs, although I had to go to the vet to get my irritable stomach looked at. Turns out I don't have any parasites, but I get a bunch of medicine in the meantime. Every morning they squirt that foul stuff down my throat. They even told mom that it might make me drool. Great, I thought. Terrible taste and drooly side effect.

But on the upside I got to help dad make the bed the other day. It's even better than attack of the shirt, because you can run and play under the billowing sheets and swat at fingers and toes.

See how much help I am?