I guess I will write about Thanksgiving, since all the other hounds are too busy sleeping to do any real blogging. It is a shame that an old hound like me has to take the time to do the work that younger hounds should be doing. It wasn't like this in my day.
We went to grandma's house for Thanksgiving and got to see the family. I was happy to see everyone again, but I did not care for the long car ride. Breezy is always a bit of a drama queen and makes a big fuss if anyone bumps into her. She needs to get over herself.
There is all kinds of wildlife at Grandma's, both inside and out. There are lots of cats and dogs there, and most of them are polite enough to leave me alone. Grandpa builds me my own personal ramp when I'm there. I like it, but it is a bit of a challenge to go down due to how slippery it can be. It is even worse in the snow. And we did get a little snow, and all the dogs had fun in it. I'm not much of a snow hound being a dignified southern basset gentleman. We didn't get that much snow where I'm from.
Layla is built for this stuff
Of course the other hounds all went ballistic and ran all over the place.
Rosco has lost his potential dignified basset status because of this picture
Layla and Breezy behaving very unlady-hound-like
This is how a dignified hound does it
We all had a good time, but we eventually had to go back home. But we will see grandma's family again before too long.
I had not realized it was Christmas time again. Normally you get a warning like snow or cold weather but it has been pretty warm and there has been no snow. Daddy killed a deer and has killed some ducks so we know it was fall, but I mean we were at the dog park only a few weeks ago! But Christmas time means Christmas Pig Monster time. I was really happy last year because the duct tape job that mama and daddy did to patch him up did not hold up so well and they had to throw him away. Life seemed to be much safer. But then they started dragging out Christmas time stuff, and like any safety-minded hound, I got a little concerned. You just never know.
What are you putting up this year? It isn't... pig-related, is it?
Well, I am sorry to report that they bought ANOTHER Christmas Pig Monster. I call him 'Son of the Christmas Pig Monster'. He is just as evil and stupid as his evil and stupid father. They put him out there this morning.
This summer hasn't been very hound friendly. First it started with Daddy trying to plant grass in the backyard and we couldn't run and play. Then it became VERY hot and we couldn't go to the dog park. All of Daddy's grass dried up and it's didn't rain for a very long time.
This is the perfect patch of dirt for me to work on my tan.
However, yesterday someone called Isaac showed up and started spitting stuff out of the sky. Now don't get me wrong, this girl loves to swim but I don't like stuff spitting on me from the sky. I think it's rude.
What's worse is that Mama MADE us go out in it to go potty. I know! She has some nerve! Well I decided to teach her. Mama accidently left the side gate open and I though since she made me go out, I was going to explore. I had a grand time smelling all the new smells and wandering the neighborhood. That was until the lady that lives behind us tattled on me. Mama was so upset that I wandered off that she marched me back home.
I made sure she toweled me off properly to give me that tousled, wind blown basset look.
Ok, Mama. That's enough fussing for now. I need my beauty sleep!
So this past weekend, Mama was sick again. It seems like she is never well. It's always something with her. I have decided that, in addition to myHOSAdog duties, I have decided I will become Rosco Puppyman, Basset Doctor. I hold a firm belief that any aliment Mama has can be cured by me.
Rosco Puppyman, B.D. here to cure what ails you
So I carefully crawled unto Mama's sick bed.
Do you feel better now that I'm here, Mama?
How about now?
No? Let me get closer so I can work my basset side manner.
How's that? Feel better now?
How about now?
Let Nurse Bunsen check my technique
Here rub my cheeks and chest. That will surely make you feel better.
In the end, Mama said my basset side manner did not make her cold go away (and she said I was squishing her). I think Mama isn't curable. It's time to send her to Dr. House from T.V.. He can fix everything!
Recently the cat has been allowed outside the house. I find this to be terribly unfair. He gets to poop in litter boxes and probably gets to roll in it too. If I so much as look in the direction of the litter boxes when we go through the mud room on our way outside, I get hollered at and my basset derriere gets a gentle nudge from daddy's boot. He also gets to poop outside. I am only allowed to poop outside. And he is such a fast little twerp! I try to chase him and keep him from getting away but he can squeeze through small spaces because he is a cat, and cats are all little and weak and stupid.
But that is not the point of this blog. Today we saw aliens! They were up on the hill, where we are not allowed to go. And they are weird-looking aliens too, not the big-headed kind. These aliens walked on four feet and one of them had horns on its head. I watched them at first and then when I saw them move towards the house I started barking like crazy to make sure mama and daddy could come out and fight them. Or maybe sacrifice a cat or two in hopes they (the aliens) would go away (and take the cats with them).
Well daddy eventually came out, and here is what happened...
So I think daddy has been brainwashed by the aliens. Who calls aliens 'dear'? They have come to eat our brains or something they are not dears! And obviously they are worth points but I think a weird alien with horns is worth more than 4 points! I will have to watch him closely to make sure he doesn't try and make me into an alien hound slave.
So my new Mama thinks it's funny to take pictures of me when I least expect it. Here is her latest snap shot of me. As you can tell, I look less than thrilled. All I was really doing was licking my chops.
"I'm one bad azz Beau Dog. Now excuse me while I go take a nap."
She thinks this is a funny caption. I, however, don't feel that it lives up to my Dignified Southern Basset Gentleman status. What am I going to do with this woman?
Summer is not very much fun when you get right down to it. Yes it is warmer and you don't have to worry about several feet of snow, and yes the dog park is easier to get to, and yes there are things like hamburger cookouts and visits to grandma's houses. But there are bad parts too. It gets really hot sometimes, and we can't go to the dog park as much when it gets really hot because Beau is old and daddy is lazy. We don't even get to stay out in the yard very much. And hamburger cookouts are more fun for people than for hounds because we don't get to eat as much as we would like.
But the worst part about summer is the flies. They are stupid little bugs that fly into the house when the door opens and they land on your food and buzz against the window. I would really like to eat them but they are too fast to catch usually. And there are tons of them out there! I don't know if they breed better in the heat or what but every time you go out they buzz around your head to remind you they are still there.
I hate you guys
But flies outside are nothing compared to flies inside. Inside they draw the attention of mama and daddy, and they try to kill them. They are faster than I am but they use a rolled up newspaper to squash them. Rolled up newspapers are also used on bad dogs. I wasn't a bad dog but they got used on me before I came to live with mama and daddy, and it reminds me of life before them. I don't like those reminders. It makes me shake and worry that I am going to get swatted instead of the flies. I know they aren't going to swat me - at least I hope they don't (sometimes I get my rump swatted when I am being stubborn but it is not mean and they just use their hands instead of a rolled up newspaper) - but still it just makes me scared. So, I am hoping the flies all go away soon.
It has been a long time since we blogged! Like months! So much has happened! We feel bad about keeping our audience under suspense, but we have been doing important work!
These couches don't get slept on by themselves
But the biggest news lately has been the heat. The heat is ridiculous! It's so hot that we need to take extra naps. We used to go to the dog park (our favorite place in the world besides Grandma's and the ice cream store and the pet store) all the time, but since it has been so hot we can't go because Beau has a hard time breathing.
We're glad we don't live with you too, random rude lady
We did go visit Grandma again this year, so Beau could meet her. Let me just say that the car is way too crowded with 4 hounds on a 10-hour trip. They either need to get us a bigger car or leave the cats behind. I like the second idea better. We also had to stay out of the yard for a long time for grass to grow, but then it got so hot all the grass died so it didn't matter anyway. We have been getting lots of visits from our friend Anita lately because daddy and mama are both working now and they can't always come home to let us out of our crates.
There's more news than that but this heat has already worn my blogging basset self out. But never fear we will be updating Jowls of Fury way more often now, trust us!
The secretarial staff of Jowls of Fury has just been really busy - preparing and editing manuscripts, trying to get a garden to grow, and catching up with all the work that we have been neglecting. We promise to try and blog more!
And we're back! I must apologize for our long blogging absence from JoF. First Mama was sick. Then Daddy got sick, so the basset nursing brigade was in full effect. Let me tell you taking care of sick parents is hard, hard work. So much so that we had to abstain from all our normal basset activities such as napping and blogging to take care of the sickies. Thankfully they are all better now.
As a reward for all our hard work, Mama and Daddy gave us a really nice reward: a BIG new couch to lay on. It's so big that all of us can lay on the couch and still have room for Mama and Daddy (and even a couple cats)
3 out of 4 hounds approve!
Breezy was off in the other room preparing her dog fort. At this time, I'm not at liberty to discuss the top secret mission she may be on.
We have another Easter entry in our stupid TV commercial category. We have already commented on the fact that rabbits do not make chicken noises. Well it appears that another confectionary CEO does not understand rabbit biology. The good folks at Reese's put out an ad where a chocolate rabbit (which isn't even ALIVE) and a jar of peanut butter (which isn't even the FACSIMILE OF A LIVING CREATURE) 'get it on' to create the offspring of their sugary union - a chocolate egg. A CHOCOLATE EGG. Neither of those two 'parents' have anything to do with eggs. What is the matter with commercials these days?
So the other day mama got into one of her clean freakout modes. These happen every so often and when they do watch out. Nothing is safe, especially beautiful full-figured lady hounds who might happen to be a bit dirty because they don't live the pampered lifestyle of little foo-foo dogs.
To put it mildly we got baths. I was not very happy about this. Then she wanted to vacuum, at which point I knew she was really trying to get under my skin. I don't like vacuums. Well I was not sad to see the old vacuum finally break. Mama said a few choice words and made daddy throw it away.
This is a good place for vacuums
Well she wasted no time going out and getting a new one. I really wanted to go roll in the yard for that but daddy has been trying to grow grass and for some reason he won't let us out there, now we have to do our business in the front yard in a tiny little fenced in area. All the neighbor dogs can see us too, including the new dog across the street who is very yappy.
Beau is too old to understand why we hate the vacuum so much
Worst of all this vacuum is really good at picking up fur, so it makes it even harder for us to keep a thick sheet of hound fur on all the furniture and rugs. We try and do our best but it just isn't enough. Watch the video below and you will see what we have to put up with.
See now we will have to start all over again from square one. I let Rosco take the first crack at it, I really need a good long while to get all riled up and do my rolling and growling.
Wow it has been quite awhile since we did a Famous Basset Hound Friday. We have been very busy with vet visits and outdoorsy stuff, but really we have just been lazy. Well daddy has been lazy. You know how it goes.
But we are back! With a new famous hound! His name is Byron Basset and he is another animated hound!
Byron and his nemesis Elmyra
Byron was on the show Tiny Toons, which are about midget regular toons. Byron fit right in, being a short hound. He was a hound of few words, and was capable of flying and protected baby birds from evil cats. This sounds like a good hound to me, we face off against our evil cat siblings all the time. He also liked to eat whole turkeys and he even ate a bunny toon. I have not had the chance to eat bunnies but I am open to the option.
So that is our latest famous hound! Oh yeah! And! Beau and I are both feeling better, neither of our faces are puffy anymore!
Poor Beau, he cannot catch a break. I feel sorry for him because he has had to go to the vet's for the last 3 weeks in a row, and he missed out on the dog park the other day. His face is all puffy and his eyes are leaking goo. Mama took him to the vet with Oliver and he has to take medicine and have stuff put in his eyes. I hope he feels better, because I am tired of smelling vet on him.
Boy we have been really bad about blogging lately. Daddy has been so busy working we haven't been able to even wake him up to do our blogging for us. He falls asleep on the couch and he is so easy to lay on at that point that it just doesn't get done. It's good for the basset soul but bad for the basset blog.
We have had to get mama to blog a few times, as you saw the other day when she helped Beau write about what a handsome hound I am. Well today daddy took me to the vet. I swear I think he wants me not to like him anymore. He also took Oliver, and let me just say that cat is really bizarre.
Look at how calm he is... doesn't he realize we are at the vet's?
When he poops lately he screams a lot. We try and go in and investigate but of course there is a gate in the way. Well Oliver had to get a shot today and I had to go along because apparently I have an infected hound nose.
It doesn't look infected to me... I think I will survive...
Well of course I hate the vet's. I was very watchful of any doors because that is where the vets surprise you.
I'm ready this time
But this vet wasn't so bad, he talked all nice to me and gave me a treat and rubbed me. Then he stuck a piece of glass against my nose and left. When he came back he said I had white blood cells and bacteria in my nose. I had no idea! So now I am a little worried. Daddy gave me some medicine and rubbed this weird creamy stuff on my nose. Hopefully I won't have to wear a cone of shame like Beau did for so long. Sorry about not blogging for so long. Also sorry it isn't a Famous Basset Hound Friday. We will try and do a better job of hounding daddy in the future.
So today was another awesome day in the JoF household. Mama came home early from work and whispered the words that every hound loves to hear, "Let's all go to the dog park."
Now the younger hounds went all crazy and started whining, barking and acting very undignified. I, myself, let a few woofs to voice my approval and then waited patiently for Mama to put my collar on. Then we all loaded up in the BUV (Basset Utility Vehicle). The youngin' were acting all crazy hanging out the windows looking ridiculous.
Someone needs to teach these hound some manners!
This how they should behave! I'm a dignified Southern basset waiting patiently to leave.
When we arrived at the park, we met a nice man named Joe and his cool blue tick hound Capella. Of course Rosco and Layla had to embarrass me by chasing a blabrador.
I on the other hand walked around introducing myself to the other dogs at the park.
How do you do kind sir? My name is Beauregard.
I traveled all over the park making new friends with dogs and people alike. I also made sure to correct any undignified behavior that I saw.
I managed to spread the word about how to be dignified to many dogs while at the park. Mama just needs to bring me a soapbox next time so I can command the attention I deserve.
After educating as many dogs as I could, I decided that it was time for a drink and to head back home.
Now young Mr. Rosco seems to have the potential to become a dignified basset hound.
Here he is in his handsome hound pose.
The lady hounds on the other hand chose to ignore Mama when she called them. Ms Breezy was so uncooperative that she didn't even get her picture taken at the park.
Here is Ms Layla paying no mind to her Mama. Very rude!
I decided to let the other hounds know I was leaving with a few barks and then started walking toward the gate.
Mama insists that you all see how well I can walk since the big ole tumor is gone.
All in all it was a good day! I met new people and dogs and was able to educate the dog masses about dignified Southern basset hound behavior.
So it is nearly Easter. That is the holiday where a magical rabbit brings people chocolate and other candies, and hides it in the house in a basket. Somehow this is related to religion. It also has to do with Mardi Gras, which Layla sort of explained in another post. We are not religious animals so the importance of these things are lost on us. What I want to know is whether there is a giant rabbit running around my home or not. I have seen regular rabbits in the yard before and heard the dogs talk about chasing them. If they are anything like squirrels they are regular little punks, sitting in my window and gnawing on their stupid squirrel teeth. They are just lucky there is a thick pane of glass between us, and that I am not an outside cat!
Anyway - Easter has this TV commercial called the 'Cadbury Easter Bunny'. I don't know much about bunnies but I don't think they make the kind of noises the Cadbury bunny makes. Well in this week's stupid commercial, they are having tryouts for a new bunny. Notice the first animal is a pig - good luck pal. The next two are a lion and a regular cat. Neither of those two animals would be caught dead trying to be a bunny. We would rather eat the bunny together after an invigorating chase scene where we both pounced on it together, and then high-fived each other after the kill. We most certainly would not make odd noises while wearing bunny ears. Clearly a case of animal abuse here.
Well it has been an exciting two weeks. Really an exciting month. I found a new home, I made lots of new friends, I found out I am a basset celebrity, and I had dramatic surgery. But today I crossed a new milestone - I saw the vet again for the last time, and he removed my stitches and told me I was a new man. And I agree! I can move around so much more easily, I can see all of my basset toes again, and I don't have nearly as much trouble breathing with that nasty tumor gone. And that horrible one on my leg is gone too so no more strange flopping skin when I am strutting my hound stuff at the dog park!
Look how happy I am now!
So thanks again to all my fans, and especially to the good people who found me a new home and helped to pay for my surgery. I really appreciate it, and I know the folks here at Jowls of Fury do as well!
Well I am feeling much better. I am not taking any more of that pain medicine. Nope, I am toughing it out now, being such a gutsy old hound. Unfortunately I still have to wear that stupid cone of shame - my stitches are really bothering me and I need to clean myself up, but mom and dad won't let me - so I have this dumb lampshade stuck on me for the time being. My spirits were a little low, and Rosco suggested that I write a Famous Basset Hound Friday. He can be a rotten kid sometimes but honoring famous hounds is a pretty good idea.
So I thought long and hard about what hound to honor. He has already honored so many of them, it was tough to choose a good one. Then I remembered a hound from the good old days, when famous bassets did not frolic in hedonism. She was a classy gal, the sort of hound that a young man like myself could admire without being disrespectful. I am of course talking about Cynthia the basset from the show Green Acres.
She sure was pretty... wait... is that a skunk?
I will confess... Cynthia was my first puppy crush. Now that I am an older, distinguished hound gentleman, I have come to appreciate the company of ladies for their personality, and not just for their sleek, wrinkly form, their long ears, and their drooping jowls. But I still like those things too! I am old, but not dead.
So last week I was having a great week until Friday. Friday I didn't get my normal breakfast and I wasn't too happy. Then Dad took me back to the place I don't like - the vet's office!!! And to make matters worse he left me there! The people there were nice but they gave this stuff that made me feel all funny and made me very sleepy. The next thing I know I woke up and my side, leg and groin hurt. But to make matter worse, they gave me this terrible hair cut.
I mean really? How am I suppose to impress my lady friends if my hair looks this terrible.
Also I was hurt all over and I was still pretty sleepy. Mom and Dad tried their best to make me happy and comfortable by giving me stuff to help me not hurt. But I didn't like this stuff, I made them work to get it into my mouth and sometimes I spit it back out because it tasted bad. They even tried to disguise it in a treat but I figured that one out quickly. No fooling this distinguished hound! But they finally manage to make me swallow it and then I slept.
And slept some more.
This weekend was a blurry haze for me but today I'm feeling much better. Today my appetite returned and I drank lots of water. I also didn't have to have as much yucky medicine either. I was able to get up and move around on my own, although I still hurt. Mom even said she knew I was getting back to normal because I was passing gas (However, she didn't not state it that delicately! And those gagging noises she made were just rude!). I also noticed something new today, the huge lump on my side is gone! I can move around like when I was a young debonair hound. This also meant I could inspect the sore spots on my body. I tried to be discrete about it but the every watchful hawkeye parents caught me in the act. So now I'm stuck in this:
I really hope my lovely lady friends don't see this.
So according to Mom, this means I'm feeling better. However, I'm just feeling humiliated. I see you cats snickering over in the corner. When I'm all healed up you better watch out!!