I am too old for all of this

What is this thing for?  What am I supposed to do with this little keypad?  It's sort of like the phones but it is on the table instead of on the wall and it has too many buttons.  Things are much more complicated than when I was a pup.  But the hounds and the people in this house tell me that I am a celebrity now and that I should write this for my fans.  I will admit that I may not do most of the writing, if I can get the dad-person to do it for me.

I suppose I should start from the beginning.  My name is Beauregard the basset.  I am a 12 year old hound gentleman who has been through a bit of a rough spot lately.  I had a person that I loved very much who passed away and went to the human version of the Rainbow Bridge.  He didn't leave good instructions on who was supposed to care for me when he left, and I was inherited by his children.  Now they were good folks but they were not hound people and didn't know what to do with me.  Enter the nice folks at some newfangled website called Cyberhound, and a couple of nice ladies named Nancy.  They organized for me to be brought to this new home in Missouri where I was taken in.  Now I am not one to be choosy about cheritable folks, but the hounds in this house are all young punks.  They don't know how good they have it.

Listen to your elders

All three of them are jealous of me getting some attention.  Well I'm sorry but I just got here, and I need a little extra attention!  I mean I have not received the nonstop attention I deserve for the last year!  Rosco is the youngest, and the only other boy basset.  He acts like every time I get petted by either of his people that he is being thrown out in the cold.  Layla, the bigger of the two girls here, has been extremely vocal every time I get petted and she also is very jealous.  Breezy is a very brash young hound who barks and howls every chance she gets and is generally a nuisance.  All three of them jump up on their people and make a big scene all the time.  In my day we hounds did not behave this way.  A few well-placed barks was all we needed to do to get the attention we wanted.  When that didn't work we sat patiently and waited for our people to call us and invite us over for some attention.  We certainly didn't try and help ourselves to their food, like Rosco did the other day.  If it weren't for my health and age I would have taken him to task by now, but I have lots of tumors and it makes it hard to move around like I used to.  And this house has more cats than I can count.  Only one of them has any decency about him, an older chap named Bunsen who has seen more than a few years like myself.

I may be old but I still know how to have a good time

But they have been nice to me overall.  None of the young pups have tried to challenge me, I think they at least know they should respect their elders.  The people of the house have been very kind to take me in, although the  dad-person took me to the vet the other day.  Not very many hounds like the vet and I am no exception, but I think the vet was talking about trying to make me more comfortable.  Like most hounds I do enjoy my comfort.  Both of the people in the house let me out when I need to do my business, and I get lots of treats and love.  And of course we hounds like those things as well.  Why just last night the dad-person and I took a nap together on the floor.  The young punk hounds here get to nap with their people on the couch.  I am not in the kind of shape that will let me get up on the couch anymore, but it sure is nice to have them lay down with me.  Plus I have my old crate and a new food dish, so I am ready to go at this new house.  It's nice to meet people who want to take care of us older hounds.